I Kissed A Guy (and I Like It) Shhhh….

Image result for kissing neck meaning

Yes, that was me making out with a total stranger in the middle of the dance floor on Saturday night.  He was from out of town, totally hot, tattoo’d and he had a tongue ring.  We danced hip to hip all evening, and when he aggressively bit down on my lower lip, I felt electrified.

At (almost) 42, this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me any more.  Mainly because I don’t go out.  Night clubs, loud music, and too much drinking does not sound like a good time to me, but it was on Saturday.  It started out innocently enough; meet up with the girls for a bevi and food.  I met up with my friends some time around 8pm at a local restaurant/pub.  I haven’t seen these girls in awhile, so there was lots of catching up to do, and drinking goes very well with gossip.  At one point, one of the girls noticed a large table of MEN sitting across the room from us.  One thing led to another, and the group of us was off for a night on the town.

We went to the only night club in town that caters to a diverse crowd.  A live reggae band was playing, and the vibe was totally chill/fun.  Reggae, of course, leads to some pretty sultry dancing, which in turn, leads to … Stranger kissing. “Stranger Danger Indeed” The best part about “the kiss” was that it was just a kiss.  OK, it was a lot of kissing, but that’s where it ends.  There were no expectations, as least not on my end.  I continued my evening of dancing, laughing, and mingling.  When it was over, I hoofed it home.  It’s only a 40 minute walk from downtown to my place on the hill, so I generally walk if I can.

After the initial headache wore off on Sunday morning, I felt fantastic.  I felt young and sensual.  I haven’t felt like this in over 10 years.  I’ve mentioned before that one of the main reasons I wanted to come off medication was because of my lowered sex drive.  Up until Saturday night, I hadn’t felt any different in that department.  NOW — I do.  I didn’t take the stranger home: that’s not my style.  However, one night of wild abandon has re-lit my fire. I’m a walking time-bomb waiting to meet my MR. right (or mr.right now).

 

 

He May Be Right Around The Corner

person, woman, girl

 

This is it — my final day of work before I get 9 glorious days of freedom.  NINE days to play!!!!  I so desparately need this time off.   I’m going to savour every single second of my vacation.  Leisure mornings, trail runs, river floats, evening patio beverages with friends, dog walks, sun filled afternoons at the park, shopping — I CAN’T frigg’n wait.  Well, OK, I can wait, but I don’t want to.  I think it should be a thing where people get to leave at noon on the day before their holiday starts.  A manditory paid leave to go and prepare to relax.  Laziness requires prep work; I can’t be expected to take on a project like vacation without having time to lay out the ground work.

I have a secret hope that I will meet someone during my time off.  By someone, I mean a man, and by a man, I mean a cute, single, fun man.  I feel this way every weekend and before all my vacations.  I get lonely from time to time, and when I have time off, I wish I had someone to share that time with.  Because it has been so long since I’ve connected with someone, I often worry maybe I’m broken that way.  I hope not, but I wonder.

I’m taking a trip to go male watching… does anyone know the trick to catching one?  Maybe I should just get a T-shirt made that say’s “HEY boys, I’m Single and ready to Mingle.”  Takes away some of the mystestry, but desperate times call for desperate measures!

Well my pretties, I’m wishing you all a happy Friday and weekend.  Be good to yourselves because you deserve it.

 

 

Sunny Side Up Please

bread, food, breakfastI’m having my mood sunny side up with a side o’ bacon today.  I’m sick of scrambled and hash — bring on the hollandaise.  Or should I say holidays?!?  2.5 more days and this little chicky has one whole week off.  Sun, fun, and if I’m lucky some HUNS.

This is the first day since I stopped taking my anxiety meds that I feel somewhat human.  I don’t want to jinx it here, but it is entirely possible that my discontinuation syndrome symptoms are starting to ease up some…. YIPPY.  My brain is still today — no obsessive worrying.  I am, however, obsessively thinking about what kind of beverage I’m gonna have on my first day off.  Currently, I’m thinking Gin and Soda, but  wine sounds pretty good to me too.  Ohhhh decisions, decisions.

Holidays make me happy, and I don’alcohol, party, cocktailt even need to go anywhere to enjoy them.  My staycation is sure to be everything I hope for.  The main event during my time off will be a bedroom overhaul.  I purchased a new bed last weekend, and I’ve been daydreaming about a bedroom makeover ever since.  I’m gonna go with a beach theme: light blue/grey/white walls, crisp white sheets, dark blue accents, pool boy, and big fluffy white and blue pillows.  It sounds so dreamy; I’m going to make it happen.  2.25 days to go.

Oasis at home

IN 2.15 days, you will find me rolling down grassy hills, laughing till I pee a little, or maybe you will find me lounging out front of my favorite cafe with book in hand.  I’m going to push myself out of my comfort zone and troll the streets for cute young men.   I’m not sure what I will do with one if I catch one, but who cares — fishing’s fun.

It’s my happy day today, so here’s me sending out joy to my blogg’n family.  I wish for all of you a smile today.  Happy Blogg’n Wednesday!

Finding Love

Finding love in your 40s is not an easy feat.  It has been over three years since my last relationship ended, and I have not enjoyed the process of finding someone new.  For the first year after my break up, I had no interest in dating what-so-ever.  The only thing I wanted was to be alone to heal and regain my own personal power.  By the second year, I was ready to test the waters, so I put up an online dating profile and put myself back on the market.

Online dating is not the same as finding someone the old fashion way.  When you meet someone through friends, at work, or through common activities, a friendship develops first.  You get to know the person and then a spark is ignited.  The person gets to know you in your nature state and there is no pressure to present or “sell” yourself.  All of my previous relationships happened naturally, but times have changed.  I’m older now, and it’s harder to find available men.  My circle of friends are married couples with children, and it’s rare that I am in a social setting where a chance meeting might take place.  I work, go to school, and I spend a good amount of time at the gym.  Meeting men is just not easy.

These are the reasons I turned to the internet to find love.  I have been on a number of first dates, only to be disappointed by the lack of connections made.  You cannot know if you will have chemistry with someone when all you know about them is what they put down on paper.  It’s no different than trying to guess if a job applicant will be the right fit based on his or her resume.  Another dissappointing aspsect of online dating is the inappropriate behaviour of men (and women). I assume by some of the messages I get that it is common practice for some to send nudies or to straight out ask someone to f*ck.  This isn’t ok for me, and I personally find it offensive.  Unfortuantely, this is part of online dating, and there doesn’t seem to be any way of avoiding it.

On occasion I meet a guy I like, and I wish I could say that I nail the interview, but usually I fumble my way through it and leave with my head stuck between my legs.  Something happens to me when I like a guy.  I turn into a complete idiot, and I become one of those oversharing fast talking types.  It’s so embarrasing.  I know I’m doing it, but I have no ability of stopping myself.  Before every date I go on, I give myself a pep talk: don’t overshare, don’t drink too much, don’t talk to much, relax.  I repeat these things to myself over and over, and then I have my first glass of wine and all bets are off.  Everything you should not say on a first date falls out of my mouth like a flooding river.  Nothing can stop the disasterous slew of words that will ultimately ruin my chances of a second date.  These, my friends, are the days of my dating life.

I can only hope that by some miracle a gentle understanding man will see through my nervousness and love me regardless.  I don’t mind living alone, but it would be pretty great to have someone to share the rest of my life with.  Until that day comes, I will share my life with my dog and my fellow bloggers.  Thank you all for being an ear for this middle-aged single girl.

Soaking Up The Sunshine

Summer is finally here!  The forecast for this week shows tempatures reaching mid-thirties (86F). We’ve had a slow start to summer this year; so I’m ready to soak up some sunshine.Storm

I love summer because everyone slows down to focus on the simple pleasures in life.   Backyard bbq, flip-flops, and sundresses are in store for the next two months, hallelujah.  There will be weekends spent floating down the river, or boat rides on the lakes.  Afterwork patio drinks with co-workers, and rooftop dinners that go late into the night.  Have I mentioned how much I love summer?

Sunshine makes me a happier girl; a tanned happier girl!  I’m taking a break from all things exhausting this weekend.  That includes my friend going through a divorce, my studies, social media, the news, thoughts of my ex, thoughts of money, and online dating.  It’s the Canada Day long weekend, July 1, 2016, so I’m going to be thankful for the beautiful country I live in, and soak up the sunshine.

 

The Daily Grind — Facebook Style

Time has been on my mind lately.  More specifically, the passing of time.  This is undoubtably part of getting older.  Time becomes more precious when you realize that half your life is already over.  Regrettably, I find myself becoming more and more worried about wasting time.

One of the guys from work would answer to that “Well Kim, you’re anxious about everything… haha.” Smart ass.  Ok, so yes I worry about a lot of things, that goes with the territory of having an anxiety disorder.  However, I don’t think it’s terribly unusual for a person to be concerned about wasting his or her life away.   But how do you know if your wasting time?

My life is simple: I’m a single, middle aged, working woman.  I have no children, a few great friends, and family near by.  I’d love to say that I’m adventurous, and that I travel any chance I can, but I’m not, and I don’t.  Not to say, I won’t try something adventurous from time to time, but I certainly don’t seek it out.  I could travel, but it would be alone, and that just doesn’t appeal to me.  The excitement of travelling for me is the sharing of the experience.

Here’s another question: “Would I feel I was wasting time if social media had never been invented?”  If I didn’t see everyone else doing, what looks like, so much more than me?  Friends are getting engaged, having babies (or grandbabies), going on extravegant vacations, attending non-stop parties, buying new houses, the list just goes on and on.  If you look at my Facebook page you will find:

  • Picture of my dog
  • Reposts of cute or funny video’s
  • Maybe a self or two of me playing guitar
  • A comment about my broken car
  • A comment about being stressed about an upcoming test

Not exactly jaw dropping updates.  My life is just my life.  When I take a vacation from work, I usually stay home.  I love having a week to sleep in, read a book, wander aimlessly downtown and go for coffee.  I want to rest on my vacation, not stress about travel plans.  OK, I won’t mind going away sometime soon, but if it doesn’t happen, I’m not going to be shattered.  Social media makes me feel like a boring person, and it makes me feel alone.

As a single woman, I do spend a lot of time alone.  This is just the way it is when you are a bit older and on the market.  I’ve become pretty accustom to doing things by myself, and I don’t give it a second thought until I browse Facebook.   Facebook makes all that I accomplish seem insignificant and dull.

STOP — OK, so the other morning, this was how I was feeling after spending only 4 minutes scrolling my Facebook feed page.  People smiling, bragging, making life seem sickenly perfect.  PLEASE, as if.  This had me thinking: Why don’t I start posting “My Daily Grind” comments.  Maybe something like “Read the paper this morning, it was midly entertaining.”  “Stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work, bought some apples.”  “Noticed I need to fix one of my front steps, so I will probably tackle that this weekend.”

Being the “weird” girl I am, I’ve decided to do just that.  Everyday, at some random time, I will post “My Daily Grind” comment.  I will share what my life is actually like.  I will not embellish or inflat my life in any way.  LOL — I wonder how many Facebook friends I can lose in 10 days.

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Rejection

Dear Rejection,

It was very nice seeing you this weekend, and I hope you enjoyed your stay.  I hope you don’t mind my bluntness when I say “you scare me.”

Please don’t take that the wrong way, as I know you mean well.  However, whenever there’s a chance of seeing you, I second guess myself.  Even though we have known each other for years, your presence still unnerves me.  When you are here, I question my self-worth, and I wish I had never tried or reached out at all.

I know we are close, as you have played a big role in both my personal and professional life.  How many times have you been there when I’ve applied for a new job, gone on a blind date, or shared a new blog post?  I’ve lost count, but I know it’s been a lot.  For all the times you’ve been there for me, I feel I haven’t given you the credit you deserve.

Yes, you scare me, but you also make me strong.  It’s because of you that I try harder and push myself.  It’s because of you that I have learned who I am, and what I want in life.  I have you to thank for redirecting me when I’ve gone off course, as you are better at directions than I.

I’m sorry for the times I have blamed you for my own self-abuse.  It is not you critisizing me when I don’t get a job, or when a partner leaves me; I do that to myself.  All you were doing was closing a door behind me to prepared me for the door ahead.  So thank you.  Thank you for steering me in the right direction, even when it doesn’t feel like it.  I’d like to say that I won’t be afraid of our next visit, but that would be a lie.  However, you are always welcome because I realize you only have my best interest at heart.

Warmest Regards

K.K.

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”   – Dita Von Teese