Fighting Boredom

Due to an over-active mind and a pesty case of generalized anxiety disorder, I bore easily.  Not because I have nothing to do, and not because I’m not doing anything.  I can be working hard on a project at work or reading a deeply moving book, and I can become bored.  I seem to require a lot of stimulation to keep me entertained.  I thrive in high pressure or fast paced environment because multiple tasks keep my mind busy.  Contrarily, I struggle to focus on anything that requires my full attention.  Not great when I have an English assignment due, or the boss wants me to conduct research on group benefit plans.

Boredom has been the reason for many job changes, excessive shopping sprees, and forgotten hobbies.  A new job will only hold my interest for the first few months, even if I really like it.  I have three mostly unplayed guitars displayed in my spare bedroom.  I became completely obsessed with playing and writing songs in my 20s.  Then one day, I just stopped.  I’ve tried to rekindle my love for playing, but it never lasts for more than a few weeks.

Even my love for fitness has fizzled out over the past couple of years.  I became a personal training/fitness leader as something to do in my spare time.  I loved teaching classes and working one-on-one with clients in the early years.  I’ve now reached my 12th year as a trainer, and I sometimes dread going to class.  I’m uninspired, and this makes it feel like a chore, which takes the enjoyment out of it.  Luckily, I still enjoy working out on my own, but I wish I still had the passion to share it with others.  I know other trainers who have been teaching for 30+ years, and they still love it.  I so envy people like that.

The good news it, I know I bore easily.  I’ve accepted this personality trait, and I’ve learned to work with it.  I’ve used my boredom to push me into trying new things, and I’ve given up on grasping on to faded passions that no longer fill me with joy.   Giving up a hobby used to make me feel like a quitter, but then I realized “who’s keeping track?”  Nobody is who.  Some part of me believed I was letting people down by letting go of things that no longer served me.  Just the sight of my guitars gave me anxiety because I felt guilty for not playing them.  It came to me one day that I don’t have to explain myself to others.  If I don’t want to play; I don’t have to play  — no excuse required.  This realization filled me with such a sense of relief and freedom.

I’ve learned to accept boredom.  Boredom may be uncomfortable, but it does not mean that I’m boring, lazy, or stupid, which is how I saw myself.  It simply means it’s time to challenge myself.  Amazing things began to happen to me when I stopped being angry at myself for getting bored.  I pushed myself in my career, I’ve started university online, I’ve started working out just for me, I’ve declutter my house and stopped over-shopping, I’ve stopped dating emotionally abusive men, and I started writing this blog.  I still get bored, but who cares!  Tomorrow, I will find my next new adventure.

I have only one life to live, and I’m learning to stop worrying about what others might think.  In all truth, most people don’t really care that much.  They may judge from time to time, but in the end what difference does that make.  If I want to change my hobbies like I change my underwear, then so be it.

I’m completely surprised by where this post went.  It started simply with the recognition that I felt bored.

 

 

 

Cleaning Out My Closet

“Out of clutter find simplicity.” – Albert Einstein

Spring is in the air, and it’s time to do some cleaning — literally and figuratively.  A couple of weeks ago, I was faced with, what could have been, an extremely large car repair bill.  Luckily, the car turned out to be ok, and I’m happy to report the cost was minimal.  Little did I know, however, this event was the spark I needed to make some changes in life.

Being me, I panicked at the thought of incurring additional debt. I’ve been working on reducing my debt this year, but everytime I take a step forward, I have to take two back.  The last thing I wanted to do was put another charge on my credit.  Therefore, my only other option  was to “SELL EVERYTHING.”   If I could find enough things to sell, just maybe I would have enough to cover a large chunk of the repair bill.  I started by going through my storage room.  I needed items that had some value, so I put together a pile of things I could probably live without:

  1. Snowboard with bindings, boots, goggles, and helmet
  2. Two of my guitars (sadly)
  3. 6 Designer handbags
  4. Old iPhone (5c with a cracked screen)

I put everything on Kijiji and crossed my fingers.  So far I’ve sold the phone and one of the handbags for a total of $55.  I’ve now removed the snowboard package and guitars, as I want to wait until the end of my “purging spree” to see if I still want to let them go.

My car crisis is over; however, my urge to purge has remained.  One of the girls at work is having a garage sale in a couple weeks, and she has invited me to bring up anything I want to get rid of.  Oddly, I want to get rid of everything.  I’ve created piles in my house of items I no longer use.  Things I keep because “I might use them again one day.”  I want it gone — all of it.  Piles of clothes have been boxed up; old printers, shoes, purses, bedding, books, dishes, and luggage currently line the walls of my spare bedroom waiting to be loaded into my car for sale day.

Another co-worker told me about this 24hr bidding page on Facebook.  I found the page and sent in my request to join.  The page has very strict rules on posting, bidding, and pick ups.  You are pretty much guaranteed to sell your items, and the best part is the buyer has to pay and pick up within 24hours.  I sold a set of old bar stools for $5, and now I have 3 lululemon pieces up for bid.  The bidding war has begun on my items and I’m at $39 bucks (make that $42) so far.  My total for items sold is $100, and I haven’t even put anything of great value up yet.  Who knew that selling my old things was going to be such a rush!

This purge has motivated to me to do some major deep cleaning in my house.  I cleaned the oven hood vent, my oven, and fridge.  My weeds have been pulled, and I’m preparing to paint my spare room once all my items have been sold or donated.  I’ve gone through junk drawers and makeup bins, and next will be the remaining storage closets.  Empty and clean is what I’m aiming for, and so far I’m on a roll.

With every item I remove from my home, my mind feels clearer.  My physical world is being reflected in my emotional world.  There is a certain freedom in unloading stuff from my life, and my whole being is benefiting from this exercise.  I’m dedicating the rest of 2016 as my clean up year.  I’m cleaning out my closet, clearing out my mind, and making room for happy days.