I Hate Writing Essays

I never thought I would be writing essays at the age of 41, but here I am agonizing my way through an expository paper.  I did not go to university after high school and my education (or lack of) has always made me feel self-conscious.  In my early 20s, I took an administrative/bookkeeping program at a local college and then work my way up to management and human resources.

Last year, I made the decision to enroll in an online business program through our local university.  The first course I took was an English prep course, which I really enjoyed – mostly because I got an A+ in the class.  I am now taking a technical writing class, and I can’t say I’m in love with it.  I enjoy most of the writing tasks, and I understand the lessons, but there are too many essays to write.  Why exactly do I need to know how to write an essay in business?  I have worked in the business world for 18 years, and you know what?  I have never been asked to write an essay for work.

Honestly, I thought that the essay writing part of the course would be my favorite.  I enjoy writing, so why wouldn’t it be.  Unfortunately, since I have an anxious brain, I have a difficult time putting my thoughts into any kind of order.  I have written two essays so far, and both of them were short – 800 words.  Each essay took me two weeks to write because I couldn’t figure out just what points were important and how to make it clear and concise.  I try to write out an outline, but that is completely pointless.  I end up changing my mind on what I want to highlight, move things around, and end up writing a dozen drafts.  I work for hours at a time, only to stare at a page or words I hate.  My head hurts, and my eyes are red from sitting in front of my computer screen.  I know eventually I will get to a finished product, but coming up with a half descent draft is like finding Mr. Right on an online dating site.  Wow, I just compared essay writing to my dating life – that’s depressing on so many levels.

Anyway, I’m blogging about this today because I have spent the past 3 days working on an expository essay, and I don’t feel any further along than when I started.  I guess I just needed to vent a little.  I don’t remember English being so frustrating back in high school.  Regardless, I will plug along and hope I can make it to the end of this course.  And with any luck I won’t throw my laptop out the window.