Being a new blogger — I have no idea if it is proper etiquette to post twice in one day; however, tonight I will do just that. I just spent the last two hours reading blogs, and unexpectedly it took away my Friday night loneliness. As part of my Friday Positivity Project, I told myself that I was not going to do what I always do on Friday. I didn’t care what exactly I did, just as long as it was something different. This kind of got me thinkin; why do Fridays cause me so much stress and anxiety. Friday is just like any other day, but for some strange reason it brings feelings of self-berating. (Hence, the Positivity Project)
My conclusion, although maybe a bit wine induced, is that I put too much pressure on Fridays. On Monday, I am blue because there are five days until Friday. On Tuesday, I have mixed emotions – It’s no longer Monday, but there are still four more days until Friday. Wednesday is much like Tuesday, but I just don’t really care for Wednesday. On Thursday, I am completely exhausted because I have already been waiting three days for Friday, and I can’t believe it isn’t here already. Friday comes, and I’m like “YEAH – It’s here!” “Now what?”
Now what. I wait for Friday, because it is the day before Saturday. On Saturday, I get to live my life on my terms. I’m allowed to get up when I’m ready. I have no where to be, so I make my Almond Milk Latte in my pajama’s, flip open my laptop, and eat pancakes. (Oatmeal and egg whites, with powdered peanut butter — my version of pancakes) Never-the-less, I am free. Free to do whatever I want. That said, tomorrow I will do something I don’t usually do, unsure of what that is, but it will be different.
So really, I wait for Friday because it is the day before Saturday, but really Friday, itself, is nothing special. I think I used to like it a lot because it meant I could stay up later than usual. As much as I’d love to stay up past my usual 9:00 p.m. bedtime, I can’t. A chronic neck issue makes me tired throughout the day, so lights out at 9pm (if I make it that long). Yet, I hold this stigma to Fridays; as though they have the power to grant me every wish I have. I’d like to meet a great guy soon, so it seems logical that Friday would be the day I meet him. I’d also like to dedicate some time to organizing my house; I think of this all week long, and tell myself “Friday, I will do it on Friday.” In all likelihood, however, Friday is the worst day for my life to change.
By Friday, I am completely spent. I’ve exhausted myself waiting for it. Because I am sure I will meet Mr. Right on Friday, I work out twice-a-day and usually for no less than 1.5 hours a day. On top of that, I have spent the whole week waiting for Friday. That’s exhausting. So why on earth I think I will get home from work on Friday, organize my house, and then find a way to dazzle “the Man”, is completely beyond me. Seriously, I’m 41 years old — cut me some slack. So this brings me to what I did differently tonight.
Instead of going straight to the gym, while watching my phone for any new Tinder or POF messages, I went shopping. A month ago, I put myself on a strict budget, and since then I have indulged in nothing. All I have done actually for the past few months is push myself. Push myself in my studies, push myself physically, push myself to meet men, push, push, push. The more I push myself, the more anxious I get, and the more anxious I get, the more I push, and then push some more. Anyway, back to shopping. I decided it was time to take a break from everything and go and lose myself at Winners. I wasn’t really going to buy anything, but I ended up finding some really cute capris and spring tops I couldn’t refuse. I spent $60, and refused to allow myself to feel bad about it. After purchasing these necassities, I drove straight to the wine store and picked out my favorate bottle of Sav Blanc and went home.
I set a goal back in November to cut back my drinking, and so far I have done very well. I didn’t at all for a couple of months, and now I only allow myself a few drinks on Friday (or Saturday as long as I didn’t drink on Friday). My anxiety requires me to live by rules;otherwise, I go to extremes with things. So back to my “something different.” My usual routine involves me going to the gym, coming home and making dinner, reading or watching The Food Network, and repeatedly checking my phone just in case I receive a message from POF (Plenty of Fish Dating Website — Don’t judge.) Tonight, instead, I came home, poured a glass of wine, and started reading blogs. Reading peoples blogs made me feel connected; I felt connected to the people I have been following for the past month. Like I said, I’m a new blogger — I joined this amazing community not that long ago. When I first started reading other peoples’ blog, I wasn’t sure what to think. Some were interesting, while others I couldn’t really understand. It took me some time to figure out I could actually search for topics of interest. That really changed things for me.
OK, I feel my post is getting to the point of too long, so I will finsih here. Tonight I did not feel lonley; I did not feel frustrated with my Friday night, and I did not feel bad about not working out. Tonight I felt different and happy, yet strange at the same time. I think blogging has given me something to look forward to. I look forward to hearing how peoples days are going, and I look forward to sharing mine. Positivity Project shows potential for success. Thank you to everyone out there who shares a bit of themselves, you’ve inspired me and given me a place to belong at a time I really needed it.