My Life Transformed

Sadly, I have neglected my blog over the past couple of months with only random posts from time to time.  I started this blog over a year ago, and since that time, I’ve created some positive change in my life.  Slowly, I’ve crawled my way out of a very stagnant time in my life, and the rewards are starting to come to fruition.  My journey has been filled with anxiety, fear, heartache, and a lot of confusion, but I’m thankful I pushed myself on.  As my life is transforming, so will this blog.  In three days, I start a week long staycation.  During my time of work reprieve, I will be dedicating myself to reconnecting with the blogsphere and reshaping my blog.

Before I do, I want to share where I was and where I am now going.  Just over a year ago, I was living a life that seemed void of meaning.  I was a few years out of an abusive relationship, living in a home I had grown out of, and basically drinking myself out of boredom.  No, I was not an alcoholic, but my only source of pleasure was my end of the day couple of glasses of wine.  This was the beginning of my life change.  There was no lightbulb moment or epiphany, just a desire for more.  The problem was, I didn’t know what I needed or wanted — I just knew I wasn’t happy.  With that in mind, I came off my anxiety medication, sold my trailer, bought a condo, enrolled in online university courses, and started dating again.  Not all at once — it all happened over the course of about six months.

After moving into my condo, I had a melt down.  I wasn’t coping, and I wasn’t really any happier.  Feeling defeated, I went back on anxiety medication.  Shortly after, I met a man who seemed to be everything I had been waiting for.  I rushed in blindly because it felt good.  I was too blind to see the red flags that were waved right in front of my face, and it ended with confusion and heart ache.  At the same time, work pressured mounted, and I fell into a depression.  That was about the time my blog posts became less and less frequent.  Two months later, I end up where I am today.  This post, however, is not about what has changed — that is a TBC…..

I’ve hit a major turning point in my life, and this post is a good-bye to the past.  I’m now able to look back and see that everything that happen was necassary.  I would not have come to this point without experiencing pain.  PAIN = Growth.  There is a fire in my heart now, and I’m filled with a new sense of passion.  I’m excited to share my new self with all of my friends here, so stay tuned for a new story.

What a World We Live In — Junkified

There is nothing better than receiving an unasked for Dick PIC on a beautiful Friday morning.  Seriously, what has this world come to.  You can’t even have a drink with a man without him assuming that’s code for “please send me a picture of your flaccid penis.”

Maybe I’m getting old, but is this really what dating has become?  What happened to the old fashion style of getting to know someone before showing them your genitals? This type of courtship, believe it or not, does not work for me.  I’m sorry to break it to you men, but a nake pic of your weiner will not get you a second date with me.  Let me tell you what kind of reaction you will get from me….

First, I will tell you to stop messaging me, and I will likely throw a few not so choice words in the mix.  Second, I am going to show everyone I know your ity bity dinky, and we will all laugh at it.  Is that what you were hoping for?  If so, you succeeded.  Every girl in my office has had a good ol’ laugh at your bits today.  I would think most men are not looking for laughter when it comes to their penis.  But, hey, what do I know — I have an innie.

I will never understand the thought process behind sending dick pics.  Maybe that’s it — there is no thought.  Just a primal instinct to get the dick out there and see who bites.  In this post, I’d like to get the message out to all them dick pic sending men in the world.  PLEASE STOP!  You will have much better luck by being a gentleman.  Even if you have an amazing looking Tool, we still don’t want to get a picture of it.  There may be a select few out there that this will work on, but is that really the type of woman you are looking for?  I sure hope not.

I don’t know if it’s a thing for men to receive unwanted female junk pics, but if it is, well shame on the women sending them.  Have some respect for yourselves.  On that note — I’m off for an afterwork Friday beverage.  I need something to erase the floppy noodle picture stuck in my brain.

Happy Friday Bloggers and may you all have a junk pic free weekend.

Firestorm

Image result for Fires In BC

My view of the world is full of smoke and ashes.  The wildfires in BC have full cities evacuated, and over 40,000 of them have come to our city for refuge.  The air is thick with smoke, and everyone is feeling the stress of the situation.  I haven’t written in over a week because I’ve been so consumed with the devastation.  Our city’s residents have gone above and beyond to support and house the evacuees, and I couldn’t be more proud to live where I do.

Unfortunately, the heavy smoke makes it impossible to feel good.  People are staying inside, and everyone is feeling down and restless.  I haven’t been able to run outside in weeks — thank god for the gym.  I’m really noticing the affect the smoke has had on my lungs.   I’m struggling with cardio, and I haven’t even attempted a heavy strength day.  My dog is restless because I won’t take her outside.  She is so small, and I worry the smoke will be too much for her little lungs.  My evenings are spent in my bedroom with curtains shut and Netflix playing.  My living room has floor to ceiling windows that highlight the haze over our town.

This past week has been difficult, as I watch people on Facebook and TV cry for their lost pets and homes.  Our downtown businesses are filled with displaced people trying to keep themselves busy, so as not to think about whether or not they will have a home to return to.  It’s a sad and scary time for our province.  My only hope is that we will catch a break with the weather and get some rain.  Unlikely, but I hope none-the-less.  Currently our weather has been extremely hot with high winds.  The wind is what brings the billows of smoke into the valley of our city.  Everywhere smells like a campfire even inside buildings and cars.  If I knew a dance for rain, I’d do it all day.

 

Smoke On The Water — AND Everywhere Else

A view of our city at mid-day

The whole province is on fire, and we are living in the land of smoke and ash.  Thousands of people from cities all across British Columbia have been evacuated from their homes due to 100s of out of control wildfires.  High winds blow smoke and ash through the valley, and it’s near impossible to breathe in our city right now.

Currently, my city is not in danger, as there are no fires close enough to be threatening.  The smoke, however, has dramatically effected our air quality.  Residence have been told to stay indoors as much as possible, and many people are walking the streets wearing face masks.  Local businesses have set up temporary shelters or have offered meals for neighbouring town evacuees.   It’s a scary time for our province, and it doesn’t look like things will get better anytime soon.

The interior of BC gets hot and dry during the summer, and this year’s fires are mostly due to lightening strikes.  Between river floods and wildfires, this has been a bad year for us.  Mother nature’s been one pissed off lady, and I hope she gets it out of her system real soon.  I’m sad for all the people who have lost their homes and businesses…. It’s a reminder of how fast life can change.  It’s scary to know that our lives can be altered by the change of the wind.

On a more personal note, I’ve been struggling to find my footing again in life.  My anxiety disorder makes it difficult for me to adjust to changes in my routine.  This year, I have pushed myself back into the dating world, and so far it has done nothing but send me spinning.  My emotions have been all over the map, and I’m having to relearn how to manage my days.  I’ve written very little in the past few months; I just can’t seem to find my rhythm.  Basically, I’m completely out of sorts.

For now, all I can do is manage one minute, hour, day at a time.

For all those evacuated from your homes, I’m sending out a little prayer (to whom ever maybe listening).

 

 

 

False Hopes and Face Cream

It’s amazing the amount of money women spend on beauty products to make themselves feel pretty.  For me, it’s all about my hair.  I have very fine, curly hair, and it’s been greying for years.  I spend approximately $800 per year on colour and cut, and who knows how much on products to keep it looking it’s best.  For the amount of money I spend, you would think I’d have luxurious hair.  I don’t.  I spend the money to make it look it’s best, which isn’t that great.

I just finished having a conversation with a co-worker about facials and body wraps.  She is in her late 20s, and she has a four year old son.  In an effort to get the body she had before becoming a mother, this girl spends a few hundred dollars a week on treatments.  It completely floored me when she told me this.  First of all, who has that kind of money?  Second, do these treatements really make that much of a difference?  I can’t image they do.

Besides my hair, I don’t really spend money on beauty products.  I have the basics for make up, but I don’t wear a lot of it.  I have somewhat stylish clothes, but I buy most of them at Winners.  For me, my money is better spent on a good bottle of wine.  I work out hard, and I look ok for my age, but I will be damned if I’m going to spend my hard earned money on false hope and face cream.  Besides, once I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine, I think I look pretty darn good.  I look even better when everyone else has had a couple of bevis….

Speaking of which, It’s a long weekend here in Canada.  Canada turns 150 years old tomorrow, and us canucks will be partying like it’s 1999.  Beer and hockey all the way — yep, it’s true world.  That’s all we do here in the great north.  Ok, I’m lying.  We’ll drink pretty much anything, and I can’t remember the last time a Canadian hockey team won the Stanley Cup.  Tomorrow, our city puts on a big celebration at a park down by the river.  We have musicians play at the bandshell, beer gardens, multicultural food tents, locals artist tables, and tons of fun for the kids.  I’m pretty excited to get out and celebrate our countries BDAY.  Any reason to have a few wobbly pops is a good reason.

On that note — happy Friday friends.  I hope you all have a great weekend, and I will be catching your blogs again next week.

Image result for hockey and beer generalizations of canada

 

At War With A Narcissist — Poetry

Clouds of thunder doom and gloom;

Smell the imminent storm.

I feel his presents; he will be here soon;

From the devil he is born.

Sheltered in a house of glass;

Wide eyes brimming with tears.

No where to run for he is fast;

My body trembles in terrored fear.

When day light breaks; he runs and hides;

The light now helps me see.

He’s nothing more than a coward in disguise;

My courage made him flee.

 

Dicks and Guns

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When someone pisses you off, drink a beer and go shoot something.  Sound advice my friends — sound advice.  This is what I will be doing tonight to let off some much needed steam.  After four long weeks of emotional fuck me over, I still have not completely rid myself of a dick of a man.  My lesson is to never, under any circumstances, lend out property to a man.  Specifically one who has been messing with my mind.  At any rate, I lent out a guitar, of which, I now must wait another week to try and retrieve.  So load me up, and let’s get skeet shooting.

This would all make more sense to you all if I had kept up writing through it all, but I didn’t.   Mainly because I was too embarrassed to admit I kept letting a certain man back into my life.  I was hoping he would pull his shit together, so I could write about the happy ever after ending.  Sadly, and not unexpectedly, the ending was not a happy one.   No, no, no — not happy at all.  It was a long, painfully irritating, frustratingly, annoying FUCKED up ending.  One I would like to be done and fogotten with.  However, Mr. Dick has prolonged the ending by one last week.  DICK.

In other news, I purchased myself a tennis racket last night.  I’ve decided to take up tennis, so I signed up for a lesson which takes place next Wednesday night.  I’m not sure why I’m doing this.  I have no one to play with once I learn how, but who knows.  Maybe the universe will get it right next time, and it will send me a great man who enjoys playing tennis.  As mentioned earlier, I’m off to do some skeet shooting tonight.  It’s a work thing.  We are part of a local construction association, and they put this event on every year.  I TOTALLY suck at it, but there is free food and beer — need I say more.

I’ve made a little promise to myself to get myself back on track.  That includes posting regularily.  I’m not normally one to let a man twist my life around so dramatically, but it happened and I need to get on with it.  I’m still reeling from the experience, and if honest, still a little sad at the outcome.  My hopes were high; I had liked him at first.  He was good at hiding his true self, and I was naive to believe his bullshit.  Lesson learned.  On that note, I’m off to change into something more shooting appropriate.  “PULL”