How To Spot a Liar

I’m a shitty liar.  I’ve ever been able to master the art of a good lie.  For one, I hate the way lying makes me feel, and secondly, I don’t understand the purpose of a lie.  Unless of course my best friend asks me if she looks fat.  She doesn’t, but if she ever did, I’m not sure I’d answer, “well, ya.” For this reason, I also struggle to tell when I’m being lied to.

My last relationship was filled with lies and manipulation.  So much so, I questions my every instinct.  I haven’t dated anyone serious since the end of that relationship 5 years ago.  Last week, I met a guy who I found somewhat interesting and it became intimate quickly.  That’s very unlike me, after a long stint of celibacy, I craved physical touch.  We had two dates before I invited (he invited himself) over to watch a movie.  We had some drinks that evening and it did result in a sleep over.  The next night he came over because it was his birthday, and even though I was dead tired, I stayed up and watched a movie with him (no sex).  The final date was on Friday.  We had drinks, played guitar, and finished the date in bed.  That makes up a total of one week.

Over this short period of time, I had some red flags.   I noticed he talked a lot about his ex, and he also spent a lot of time talking about himself.  I mentioned my observation on our fourth date.  He said he was over his ex, as it was a mutual break up, but they were still friends.  He said the reason he hadn’t asked much about me was because he wanted to learn about me slowly.  He also threw in a comment about not buying me anything for Valentine’s day, as he wanted just one Valentine’s day that he didn’t have to get someone something.  HMMMM ok.

The Saturday after he left my place, he messaged me later in the day to tell me about his great 2 hour nap.  He then tells me what he planned on making himself for dinner. Hint — he doesn’t want to hang out.  Disappointing because it’s a long weekend, and it would have been nice to have the company.  BUT I didn’t mention it. He then tells me that he is super tired and it’s going to be an early night for him (didn’t he just sleep for 2 hours?)  He added that he would invite me over, but he was just so fucking tired.  Something felt off, but I didn’t want to be “THAT” Girl.  I heard nothing from him after 6:30pm.  The next texts me to tell me he just had the best 11 hour sleep.  Maybe he’s depressed??? That’s a lot of sleep in one day.

He had to work yesterday morning, so I didn’t expect to hear much from him.   Later in the day, I send him a message to let him know I was heading out to see my parents, but to text me later if he was free.  He sent a message at 3:30pm to tell me he was just getting off work.  I asked him what he was getting up to for the night?  NO response.  I noticed I had a message sitting in my plent of fish mail box (online dating site), so I went on to check it.  You can see when other people are on the site, because a little “online now” phrase show on the profile. And there he was online now.  I wouldn’t care, but it was obvious he was on his phone, so he did in fact see my message.

Let me shorten this up.  I sent him a message that I was getting the “peace out vibe” from him.  After a few hours he called and said, sorry I was having a nap, but wanted to know why I felt that way.  FOR one, why the fuck are you always sleeping?  I call bullshit.  He said he was totally tired again, and he was going to stay in.  I later received a text saying that because I was accusing him of lying about not being over his ex and lying about all the sleeping (which by the way, I never accused him of shit — I simply asked), that he could no longer see me.  It was a nice long text message telling me this.  My reply “OK”.

I think I was picking up the bullshiter vibe right from the start. He bragged a lot about his YouTube channel, and he made sure I knew how many other women found him HOT.  Now, maybe it’s me and my anxiety.  Maybe I was a little neurotic calling him out last night after only a week of dating.  BUT I don’t think so.  Even if it was all in my head, a decent guy would want to make me feel secure, not get defensive and write me off.  I’m going to stick with my gut in thinking he was a lying piece of…. I am feeling rejected, and my heart hurts , but I will get over it.  I hope my lie detector is not broken.  I hope I am not just a crazy bitch.  If I am, I have no hope in hell of ever finding love again.

Cutting Glass

We are in the middle of another cold snap with tempatures averaging -15 c.  Not the coldest we’ve seen this winter, but still fucking cold.  When I arrived at work today and walked up to my office, I was greeted with COLD.  Hell ya, two of the four furnaces are not running due to some kind of blockage on the roof.  I’ve had my big winter parka on for 3 hours with a personal heater blasting directly on me, and I’m still freezing my ass off. I normally don’t mind winter, but then again, I can normally find refuge INSIDE.  Ah well, such is life.  Image result for Freezing in the office

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned, it’s been almost a week since I’ve posted anything, and I’m still catching up on all your blogs.  I’d like to say it’s been a lack of time that has kept me from writing, but that would be a lie.  In truth, It’s pure laziness. I haven’t been inspired to write, and I haven’t forced myself to write regardless of my lack of inspiration.  Now that I have that confession off my chest, let me catch you up on my deliriously entertaining life.  (Them there words have been heavily laced with sarcasm)

Since my last post, I have been out on 3 dates.  The first one was with a soccer coach wImage result for A douche of a manho is moving to town at the end of the month.  I met him last Thursday after my fitness class at a local brew pub.  Here’s my review on the Soccer Coach:

  • Pro’s  — not bad looking, doesn’t smoke, has a job, likes dogs, no kids
  • Con’s — arrogant, committment issues, didn’t pick up
    the tab, 5’9, bad eating habits

Mr. Soccer coach seemed to think pretty highly of himself.  I guess in junior soccer, coaches are somewhat of a rockstar to the single mothers.  He basically told me this in so many words.  My response — then date a single soccer mom.

 

Moving on…

On Saturday evening, I met up with a pretty cool guy.  He has a fairly non-traditional job: he makes his living producing videos on YouTube.  I’m not going to mention what the videos are about for the sake of his privacy, but   I found him to be honest, attractive, and a gentleman (he paid).  I liked him enough to have a second date the following day.  However, he has some qualities that might make things difficult if this ends up going anywhere.  First — he smokes.  Both cigarettes and pot.  Honestly, I don’t really care that he smokes pot, but cigarettes not so much.  As a non-smoker of 12 years, I don’t like being around people who smoke.  I can’t stand the smell, and if I’m drinking it adds temptation.

Secondly, he isn’t active and his eating habits are the shits.  Again, I work very hard to try and eat healthy.  I personally don’t care what he eats, but I know that it will be harder for me to stick to my healthy habits if I’m constantly subjected to his unhealthy ones.  I keep unhealthy foods out of my house for a reason.  If they were there, I’d eat them.

Still, I do like him, and I plan to hang out with him again.  There may not be a future for us, but I see no harm in having some fun.  I might even make a new friend.

Besides all my whoring around (the most physical contact I had on my dates was a hug), I’ve started my next course, and I’m still dealing with renovations.  Life is moving along which is definitely better than the alternative.  Time to move around a bit before my fingers freeze completely off.

 

 

A Date For Christmas

couple, footprints, kiss

This little picky mc picktser has been a single gal for something like 4ish years.  In those 4 years, I have had some dates, but nothing to write home about.  I’m picky…. straight up.

The hardest time, in my opinion, to be single is the holidays.  Being alone during Christmas is hard, but I try not to let it get me down.  To cheer me up , I let my dog buy me lots of presents.  This year, however, it would be pretty great to have at least a casual male friend to hang out with.  I will be in a new temporary home, so I wouldn’t mind having someone to keep me company.  Because I’ve been so busy with selling my house, finding a rental, packing, and looking for a place to buy, I haven’t had time to Tinder or POF.  BUT something has come up, and I’ve got myself a date this Saturday.

Let me tell you how this came about.  A couple of weeks ago, my realtor set up a home inspection of my current home for the potential buyers.  This was part of their subjects, so it had to be done.  The inspection went pretty good, and I only had to fix a minor insulation issue under my trailer.  When I arrived home from work on the day of the inspection, I noticed the inspector’s business card on my counter.  His picture was on the card, and he had written “Thanks Kim” on the corner.  I looked at the picture and realized….

I recognized him.  HE was a match of mine from plenty of fish, and we had talked a year or two ago.  I never did meet up with him, but I found it kind of strange that he had been in my house.  I figured he would know whose house he was in because I have my fitness photos hanging in my spare room.  I mentioned to my realtor that I somewhat knew the inspector he had hired.  My realtor chuckled, and then told me the inspector was a pretty good guy.

The card sat on my counter for a couple weeks, and I thought about maybe texting the number on the card — but I wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate.  Yesterday, I received a text from a strange number that read: “is this Kim?”  Turns out he was thinking the same thing.  He had my number because it was needed for the work order to inspect my house.  He said he wasn’t sure if he should text me, but he chanced it anyway.  LONGish story short.  We are meeting for a drink on Saturday night.

Knowing how I am with men, I’m not getting my hopes up.  But I’m going to try and be open to the opportunity.  Who knows maybe it will turn out to be a little Christmas fling.  WHY the heck not?  This chicky needs to get laid.  Sorry — possible over share 😉

 

 

 

 

Ahhhfuckit!

It’s nine o’clock in the morning, and it looks like it’s gonna be a frigg’n kick ass day.  Friday has an advantage over the rest of the days of the week, simply because it has it’s own slogan: TGIF, or as I like to say it TFGIF…

Anywaaaaayyys….. enough about Friday; let’s talk about something fun like BOYS.  Just recently, I decided to become a serial dater.  Wait, was it “Serial” or “Serious”?  Shit, I can’t remember.  Ahhhhfuckit…. serial it is.   It’s about time I shake things up and live a little.  Up till now, my dating strategy involved one guy at at time.  Very labour intensive and not very effective.  I’d spend a couple weeks chatting up a guy before an actual in-person meet.  People are very different in the virtual world than they are in person.  I don’t think this happens on purpose.  I’m sure it has more to do with my interpretation than the other persons delivery.  Regardless, I’m often disappointed.  My new strategy:  multi-quick chats with an immediate meeting scheduled.  Quick and dirty — I’m gonna play the numbers game!

My wish list for a man is simple: He must be the God of Thunder!

Free Thor #1

Picture courtesy of http://wlpapers.com/

I’m not asking for much:  A few rippling muscles and a big hammer.  And he must be kind, smart, funny, hard working, a good cook, and he must love dogs.                                                                                       Kidding aside, it doesn’t have to be Thor; I’d settle for a look-a-like; I’m reasonable.    Dreams, dreams, dreams…. if only in my dreams.

Yesterday, I created a bucket list The Sloshing Bucket.  #2 on my list is to fall in love again, and get married (again).  This is the one item on the wish list that I can’t make happen with hard work.  Love has a mind of it’s own and it happens when it  happens.  However, I can be pro-active by putting myself out there, so HELLO boys, come out, come out where ever you are.

Well I’ve bored you long enough with my super hero fantasies, so I will leave you to find more insightful and intellectual readings.  Happy Friday Blogger Friends…. I hope for you a restful weekend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Call Me Picky

Image result for Lonely

 

My friends call me picky, and maybe they’re right.  It’s entirely possible I’ve lost the ability to settle for anything less than exactly what I want.  I may be anxious, and I may get lonely at times, but I’m not built for settling.

Image result for picky in love

 

After 2 weeks of tindering back and forth, I met the sheriff last night.  Again I was reminded why online meetings just don’t seem to work for me.   First, he didn’t look like he did in the pictures.  He wasn’t ugly, but I didn’t find him attractive either.  I showed up in a short plaid skirt with knee high black leather boots, and a black blouse with a deep V neck line.  My hair was straightened; my makeup carefully applied, and I had a hint of perfume dabbed on the inside of my wrists.  I dressed to impress — it was a first date after all.

HE showed up in a pair of ill-fitted jeans and a car t-shirt.  I get that some men don’t care about their sense of style, but it is something I notice.  I find a man who can dress himself up to be extremely sexy.  Clothing aside, I didn’t find our conversation to be overly stimulating either.  He was nice, but he was boring.  He swore a lot, and made constant sexual inuendos.  Don’t get me wrong, I am guilty of the odd witty sexual inuendo, but I don’t base my conversation around them.    Basically the date was mediocre.  He was a decent enough guy, and I’m sure for someone else he will make a great partner.  Just not for me.

 

Image result for Not my type

Picky?  Sure, if it needs to have a name, call me picky.  I’ve lived through a divorce, a stalker, and an abuser.  I think I’ve earned the right to be picky.  Loneliness can be hard, but being with the wrong person is even harder.

 

 

Sheriff Pre-date Anxiety

Image result for dating the sheriff

Fourteen days ago, I matched with a sheriff on Tinder.  A tallish, tattoo’d, family loving sheriff.  At least that’s what I think I know about this man.  I’ve done my homework and checked his references, and so far so good.  He texts me “Good morning pretty lady” when I wake, and “Sleep well pretty lady” when I crawl into bed each night.   In the digital world he seems great, but how will he translate in real life?  I will find out tonight.

I have a date with the sheriff, and I don’t know how to feel about it.  I’m sort of excited I think, but at the same time I feel hesitant.  He quit drinking a few months ago, so there won’t be a glass of wine to warm up the conversation.  He hasn’t told me, yet, why he quit drinking; he said he wants to wait until we meet in person.  Totally fair, but at the same time I’m not sure how I feel about this.  I also know that he is living in his travel trailer while his house is being rebuilt after a home fire.  I’m curious to find out if the fire has anything to do with his sobriety.  Questions, questions, so many questions.

I hate to admit this, but I wish we were meeting for a beer rather than dinner.  I worry my anxiety will get in the way of me being able to relax.  I can already feel myself getting fidgety, restless, and uncomfortable.  Should I tell him right off that I get anxious?  Being upfront immediately hasn’t worked well for me in the past.   However,  If I don’t tell him, I worry he will think my strange behaviour is my norm.  He did say he likes a little weird in his women, so maybe he will find me intriguing.  Maybe my anxiety will come off as essentric or mysterious.  I can only hope.

There’s always the chance that I won’t like him.  Although I have a feeling I will; he’s easy to talk to at least.  NOW the big question… what do I wear?

 

Attract This !#@

“You attract what you put out there.”

Image result for Attracting men

These are the words of advice I received from an acquaintance regarding my unpleasant dating experiences.  Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, but some people should keep their options to themselves.   I personally take offense to this useless piece of love advice, and here’s why.

First, I think it is completely ignorant to tell someone they attract (ask for) inappropriate behaviour from the opposite sex.  How exactly am I attracting this in my life?  Because I use dating sites to meet men, does that mean I’m asking for it?  I don’t believe it does.   If what she meant was a LAW OF ATTRACTION type scenerio, then she’s wrong.  I most definitely have not told the universe that I want to meet rude, disrespectful men.  Nope I did not do that.  I wonder if she meant that I’m rude and disrespectful; therefore, that’s what I’m attracting?  If that’s the case, I’m deeply hurt.  I pride myself on being kind, respectful, and caring.

Secondly, I don’t believe there is some magic formula to finding love.  If you do this and that, or that and this, you will meet the one….bullshit.  My personal experiences with falling in love all happened by chance.  Right place; right time.  I put myself out there the best I can, and all I can do is hope for the best.  I have no interest in changing myself or my behaviours in an effort to meet someone.

It is completely rude to insinuate that I am flawed; therefore, I won’t find love.  We are all different, and our life experiences will vary from one another.  I believe in being me.  I am not perfect, but I am a good person who deserves to be treated the same way I treat others.  If that isn’t good enough, so be it.