JUNK EMAIL

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If it weren’t for junk mail, I’d hardly get any mail at all…

My junk mail folder is full of enticing messages, so I thought it would be fun to make a list of my top 10 favorite subject lines.

  1. Jackhammer Male Enhancement – “Be the man you used to be, guaranteed”
    1. DOES THIS MEAN I WAS A MAN IN MY PAST LIFE?
  2. Deals & Liquidations – “Xmas toilet cover sets, Emoji head rests and more”
    1. I know where I will be doing my holiday shopping ūüôā
  3. Asiaeurodate.com – “Get a HOT Date with sexy Asian Beauties.”
    1. HOW DO THESE SITES GET MY EMAIL ADDRESS ANYWAY?
  4. Neurocet Pain Relief – “48 x STRONGER than Morphine and 100% safe”
    1. SAFE?  Well if they say so, it must be true.
  5. Netflix – “Your Netflix Membership has been suspended.”
    1. GOOD – because I don’t have a Netflix membership.
  6. Erect on Demand – “3 Things women Crave (that you can’t give them)
    1. WELL DA… That’s cause I don’t have a penis
  7. Important News – “Science Proves Biblical Cure (Atheists Stunned)
    1. I bet they are.
  8. Brain Power Tactics – “This Genius Drug Unlocks 92% of Brain Potential?”
    1. Question mark? ¬†Well I’m sold.
  9. facebook – “Wanna make up to $6500/month?!”
    1. Surely this is real… Why wouldn’t Facebook want to pay me $6500/mth
  10. Nugenix Testosterone – “You can feel stronger with Nugenix”
    1. They forgot to mention “and more masculine”

 

Junk Mail + Morning coffee = entertainment.

Come Feel The NOIZE

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Not too long ago, I wrote about falling in love with a rockstar…¬†Play Me A Song. ¬†Now said rockstar does not know me, and from what I’ve been told he has a girlfriend, still¬†that didn’t stop me from crushing on the blue eyed song bird. ¬†There was something about him that caught my attention, so naturally I Facebook stalked him.

We have over 40 mutual Facebook friends, and many of my close friends know him personally. ¬†His band has a ton of gigs all over town, so I ¬†didn’t feel too bad about checking him out. ¬†He’s basically famous. ¬†I simply wanted to know more about him; he intrigues me. ¬†He seems like someone I’d like to be friends with,¬†soooooo, I sent him a friend request a few days ago. ¬†To my extreme delight, he accepted my request, and I am now Mr. D’s Facebook friend.

My intentions are not romantic in nature. ¬† His voice, mannerisms, and sexy little dimples drew me to him, but¬†I totally respect the fact that he is already taken. ¬†However, I like knowing interesting people, and when someone peaks my curiosity, I gravitate towards them. ¬†Hopefully, Mr. D is not getting the crazy stalker chick vibe from me, but I’m sure if he was, he wouldn’t have accepted my friend request. ¬†It’s hard to say if we will one day be real life friends, but the universe is a strange place, so anything’s possible.

One another note, I started chatting with a pretty cool dude last night…¬†it was just a short back and forth, but I’m excited to see if there will be more to it. ¬†The time for love is here, I can feel it in the air, and in places I will not discuss on the internet ;)-

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It’s time to break my 4 year man (sex) hiatus — watch out world…. I have some catching up to do. ¬†I may be all talk here, but what ever, it’s fun. ¬†HAPPY HAPPY FRIDAY.

Keeping The Stubble

I took a chance on love, but it shall not be.  Dating rule book is now back in effect.  Mr. Recently Separated flaked on our date tomorrow, and I doubt he was even going to tell me.

I’m a planner, I must know what I’m doing, when I’m doing it, and how I will be doing it… hmmmmmmmm what was I saying? ¬†Oh right, I was talking about the flakster. ¬†As I was saying, I’m a planner, so I sent Mr. RS a quick text to make sure we were still on for tomorrow evening. ¬†I needed to know¬†if shaving my legs still needed to be on my TO Do list for tonight. ¬†Anyway, a few minutes later I get a text that goes a little something like this:

“Oh Hi Mr. Smarty, I unfortunately have to cancel tomorrow, as I have to go to (fake city). ¬†My (fake) elderly aunt and uncle are moving to (another fake city), and they need my help moving. ¬†I still want to meet you (bullshit), so I hope this is ok?”

Interesting.…. how strange that his elderly aunt and uncle just decided, today, to move cities tomorrow. ¬†If I hadn’t messaged him, I would have wasted a perfectly good shave for nothing. ¬†What ever the case, no loss here.

Instead, I will be having beers with one of my bestie male co-workers. ¬†He’s a cutie, but much too young for me. ¬†Still, I can drink wine and admire his… eyes — I’m pretty sure they’re brown. ¬†Even better, I’m sure to have an interesting conversation, which I’m sure would not have been the case with RS.

Onwards and upwards — hairy legs and all.

 

A Smile A Day

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Makes anxiety go away? ¬†Well not really, but it does keep me from dwelling on it. ¬†That has been my strategy for the past couple weeks. ¬†Humour has always been my favorite coping mechansim because laughter is the only kind of medication I’m on now. ¬†Look at me all medication and fancy free.

I made the mistake of Googling to much when I started tappering¬†off my anxiety meds. ¬†I wanted to be prepared for what I was going to go through, so I read blogs and articles related to anxiety, discontinuation syndrome, and ADHD. ¬†What a death sentence that was. ¬†The more I read, the more I paid attention to every sensation and thought I was having. ¬†I was gluttonous — a true glutton for punishment.

Then early one morning, just as the sun was rising, I said to myself “Hey you; ya you, the one sitting there getting anxious about your anxiety, what the h*ll are you doing?” ¬†At first I wasn’t sure if I was talking to myself or not, but ¬†when I realize I was in fact talking to me, I listened up. ¬†Curious minds want to know if I started talking back, and the answer is “Obviously.” ¬†I’m a good conversationalist, and I really enjoy talking to myself. ¬†Just ask me, myself, or I; they will all tell you the same thing: That girl’s got good talk.

Now, this¬†little unmedicated chicky is walking around with a shit-eating grin on her face, and talking to herself in dark corners. ¬†This means only one thing: ¬†I’m managing my anxiety just fine without meds — I’m barely crazy at all. ¬†Seriously, I’m not crazy; I have some mood disorders, but so what. ¬†I’ve got my sense of humour, my dog, and a good pair of jeans — that’s all any girl could ask for.¬† OK, you got me, I also need wine, and every once in awhile an Ativan, but other than that….. oh, and chocolate, sometimes I need chocolate, but that’s it. ¬†MONEY, I totally forgot, I also need money. ¬†A sense of humour, my dog, a good pair of jeans, wine, Ativan, chocolate, and money: That’s all this girl needs in life. ¬†Besides my friends, family, and music. ¬†Other than that, I don’t need a thing in this world. ¬†Except my car and house.

Image result for Martini cheers emojiHere’s to living simply — Cheers!

“A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder