Writer’s block — I had writer’s block today. In the English class I’m taking right now, I was told that to become a better writer I need to write as often as I can. Even when I don’t want to, and even when I have nothing to say. So that’s what I did. I opened up my Microsoft Word, and I started to write. I wrote about having nothing to write about, I wrote about being frustrated that is was Friday again, and I had no plans. I wrote about feeling lonely, and I wrote about wishing I was a better writer.
I was just about to write that this weekend would be just like every other weekend. Spent alone and feeling sorry for myself because of it. While “poor me” thoughts appeared on the screen in front of me, I was suddently inspired.
First of all, I hate it when I get so negative. I get like this from time to time. I don’t know why or what brings it on. Although, I do notice I get down more often in Winter. Anyway, when I began to get mad at myself about being so negative, I remember that I was responsible for changing that attitude. Dark thoughts don’t go away by themself; you have to change them yourself. What I need is a schedule; a schedule to recognize my thoughts and change any negatives to positives. So why not dedicate my Friday Post to my positivity project.
I can use my Friday post to list all the negative thoughts I have had for the past week. Once they are listed, I will take each one and make it a positive. This won’t be my first positive thinking challenge. As a matter of fact, I do them a lot. My anxiety disorder can bring on times of depression, and it takes some effort to get out of my low times. Why don’t I remember this everytime I go through it? Probably because the positive thoughts don’t stick right away. It take time before I start really believing the positive. I have no idea if any of what I just said makes any sense to anyone else, but I think it did to me.
SO here is my first attempt to change my negativity…
- Being single sucks. Everyone else has exciting things to do on the weekend, but I spend mine alone. I am so frustrated with myself for doing nothing about being alone. There’s something wrong with me.
- My neck hurts so bad. (I have a chronic kinked neck) Nothing is going to ever take away the pain.
- I will never have the body I want. I want a perfect body, but I don’t stick to my calorie intake every day. I am weak. I hate the way I look.
- Other people are better at everything. I have so much to do, but I have no energy to do it. My car needs cleaning, I have another essay to write, I need to wash my floors, I need to clean my windows. It’s too overwhelming.
- No matter how hard I try to pay down my debt and save money, I will never get anywhere.
- I hate my hair, but I don’t want to spend money on getting it done anymore. I will probably give up and spend the usual $160.00 like I usually do.
- No good guy will ever want to be with me because I am not good enough.
- I hate being negative. Why can’t I just stop feeling this way?
- Being single for three years is not the end of the world. As a matter of fact, I have made a lot of positive changes since breaking up my last emotionally abusive relationship. The right person will come into my life at the right time, so just relax and enjoy being single. There is nothing wrong with you at all.
- Chronic pain is hard to manage, but I do a great job at it. I have tried a lot of different treatments that haven’t worked so far, but that doesn’t mean I won’t eventually find something that will. There are far worse things I could have such as a terminal disease, so I will be greatful for the healthy body I have.
- My body is great. It is fit and strong, and I do not need to have a perfect body to have a great body. It is ok, to not have a six pack all the time.
- I have the energy to do somethings. I don’t need to do everything, because there will always be more to do. Just do a couple things — Most importantly take some time for fun.
- I will pay my debt down. It will be slow, but that is ok. I have had debt for a long time and nothing bad has happened to me. I pay all my bills on time, and I never go hungry. I am proud of myself for making even the small changes to my spending and saving habits.
- There’s nothing wrong with my hair. I have hair and that is a good thing. I only think my hair needs changing because I need changing inside.
- A great guy will want me when I am ready to see what is good about myself. I have a lot to offer someone, and I have been picky for good reasons. I am on the right path, and good things are about to happen.
- My negative thoughts are part of my anxiety disorder. It takes a lot of effort to bring myself back to a good place. I will not be hard on myself. Instead I will acknowledge it and accept it. Today, I am making the effort, so today I will be happy with myself.
Positivity Project Part 1 – Done.
Now I can relax and maybe go an enjoy a nice cold glass of white wine. In hopes of course that a gorgeous, amazing man just happens to be waiting for me to appear 🙂