Finding love in your 40s is not an easy feat. It has been over three years since my last relationship ended, and I have not enjoyed the process of finding someone new. For the first year after my break up, I had no interest in dating what-so-ever. The only thing I wanted was to be alone to heal and regain my own personal power. By the second year, I was ready to test the waters, so I put up an online dating profile and put myself back on the market.
Online dating is not the same as finding someone the old fashion way. When you meet someone through friends, at work, or through common activities, a friendship develops first. You get to know the person and then a spark is ignited. The person gets to know you in your nature state and there is no pressure to present or “sell” yourself. All of my previous relationships happened naturally, but times have changed. I’m older now, and it’s harder to find available men. My circle of friends are married couples with children, and it’s rare that I am in a social setting where a chance meeting might take place. I work, go to school, and I spend a good amount of time at the gym. Meeting men is just not easy.
These are the reasons I turned to the internet to find love. I have been on a number of first dates, only to be disappointed by the lack of connections made. You cannot know if you will have chemistry with someone when all you know about them is what they put down on paper. It’s no different than trying to guess if a job applicant will be the right fit based on his or her resume. Another dissappointing aspsect of online dating is the inappropriate behaviour of men (and women). I assume by some of the messages I get that it is common practice for some to send nudies or to straight out ask someone to f*ck. This isn’t ok for me, and I personally find it offensive. Unfortuantely, this is part of online dating, and there doesn’t seem to be any way of avoiding it.
On occasion I meet a guy I like, and I wish I could say that I nail the interview, but usually I fumble my way through it and leave with my head stuck between my legs. Something happens to me when I like a guy. I turn into a complete idiot, and I become one of those oversharing fast talking types. It’s so embarrasing. I know I’m doing it, but I have no ability of stopping myself. Before every date I go on, I give myself a pep talk: don’t overshare, don’t drink too much, don’t talk to much, relax. I repeat these things to myself over and over, and then I have my first glass of wine and all bets are off. Everything you should not say on a first date falls out of my mouth like a flooding river. Nothing can stop the disasterous slew of words that will ultimately ruin my chances of a second date. These, my friends, are the days of my dating life.
I can only hope that by some miracle a gentle understanding man will see through my nervousness and love me regardless. I don’t mind living alone, but it would be pretty great to have someone to share the rest of my life with. Until that day comes, I will share my life with my dog and my fellow bloggers. Thank you all for being an ear for this middle-aged single girl.