Staycation, Documentaries, and Veggies

Hello and welcome to the first day of my new blog posts.  I could have easily started a new blog, but as the name says, I’m on the road less travelled.  Beside, there are many new roads on my journey of life.  My last post My Life Transformed was a tribute to where I’ve been; today, I’m gonna tell you where I am now.

Shortly after having my heart slightly broken, I started falling into a slight depression.  I typically suffer from anxiety, but occasionally depression sticks it’s ugly head up.   When I start to feel depressed, I take action pretty quick.  I know myself, and if I don’t do something about it, I will stay in it for too long.  The change began when I started reading the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey.  I am not finished the book, but what I have read challenged me to focus on what MY core values were.  That might sound easy, but when I took a good look at myself and what I stand for, I realized my values were unclear.  It turns out I actually have some very strong and deep values, but it took some digging for me to understand what they were.  I will write more on this at a later time, so let me get on with today’s focus…

This isn’t the first time I have delved into a session of self-awareness.  When I start looking inward, I do things like watch documentaries, read revealing books, and Google articles on the topics I’ve narrowed in on.  This brings me to my binge of documentaries.  For some unknown reason, I started watching documentaries on plant-based diets.  It was out of pure curiousity, as I had no intentions of changing what I eat.  In fact, I watched it with the thought that I would disagree with what I saw.  I ended up watching three of them pretty much back to back.  One in particular struck a nerve.  Vegucation: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1814930/.

What I took from that documentary will again be discussed in another post; however, I will tell you this meat loving human has since turned Vegan.  Today is the first day of my Staycation, and I have made a promise to myself to write daily.  I have fallen off the blogsphere for awhile, so as I take time to relax from the daily grind, I will refocus my energies on the important things I do for me.  This is the intro to my new self.  I have a new hunger for life that continues to grow each day, and I’m determined to document my experiences a long the way.  RIGHT now, however, I must get ready for my lunch time massage.

 

My Life Transformed

Sadly, I have neglected my blog over the past couple of months with only random posts from time to time.  I started this blog over a year ago, and since that time, I’ve created some positive change in my life.  Slowly, I’ve crawled my way out of a very stagnant time in my life, and the rewards are starting to come to fruition.  My journey has been filled with anxiety, fear, heartache, and a lot of confusion, but I’m thankful I pushed myself on.  As my life is transforming, so will this blog.  In three days, I start a week long staycation.  During my time of work reprieve, I will be dedicating myself to reconnecting with the blogsphere and reshaping my blog.

Before I do, I want to share where I was and where I am now going.  Just over a year ago, I was living a life that seemed void of meaning.  I was a few years out of an abusive relationship, living in a home I had grown out of, and basically drinking myself out of boredom.  No, I was not an alcoholic, but my only source of pleasure was my end of the day couple of glasses of wine.  This was the beginning of my life change.  There was no lightbulb moment or epiphany, just a desire for more.  The problem was, I didn’t know what I needed or wanted — I just knew I wasn’t happy.  With that in mind, I came off my anxiety medication, sold my trailer, bought a condo, enrolled in online university courses, and started dating again.  Not all at once — it all happened over the course of about six months.

After moving into my condo, I had a melt down.  I wasn’t coping, and I wasn’t really any happier.  Feeling defeated, I went back on anxiety medication.  Shortly after, I met a man who seemed to be everything I had been waiting for.  I rushed in blindly because it felt good.  I was too blind to see the red flags that were waved right in front of my face, and it ended with confusion and heart ache.  At the same time, work pressured mounted, and I fell into a depression.  That was about the time my blog posts became less and less frequent.  Two months later, I end up where I am today.  This post, however, is not about what has changed — that is a TBC…..

I’ve hit a major turning point in my life, and this post is a good-bye to the past.  I’m now able to look back and see that everything that happen was necassary.  I would not have come to this point without experiencing pain.  PAIN = Growth.  There is a fire in my heart now, and I’m filled with a new sense of passion.  I’m excited to share my new self with all of my friends here, so stay tuned for a new story.

Ride of My Life

“It’s never too late to change your life for the better. You don’t have to take huge steps to change your life. Making even the smallest changes to your daily routine can make a big difference to your life.”

Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

 

Image result for A year of Change

What a ride 2016 has been.  If I look back over the year, I am amazed at how my life has changed.

At the beginning of 2012, me and my ex-boyfriend ended our relationship.  More accurately, I kicked his lying, cheating, abusive ass to the curb.  However, because I am a soft hearted woman, I allowed a friendship to linger for 3 more years.  Over the Christmas break last year, he broke the news to me that he was seeing someone.  It turns out that he had actually gotten someone pregnant, and so after one month of dating they were living together.  That was all it took for me to finally rid him of my life.  He took not only my self-esteem during our relationship, but also $40,000.  YES, good riddance.

At the beginning of January, I began my business program online through our local university.  It hasn’t been easy focusing on school work while working a full-time job.  Because I needed time for studying, I shut down my side fitness business.  12 years of personal training and fitness classes was enough.  I didn’t quit completely — I kept one class at the local YMCA, just to keep me in the loop.

At the beginning of summer, I made the decision to wean off a 10 year stint of anti-anxiety medication.  I was convinced that the medication wasn’t working anymore, and I was sure that my lack of sex-drive was a result of the medication.  The weaning process was really hard, but I think I’m through the worst of it.  Sex-drive is undetermined, as I haven’t found anyone I like enough to try it out on.  That is on my 2017 to-do list.

At the beginning of fall, I put my house up for sale.  It sold in a month, and I was on the hunt for a new home.  I’ve since moved into a small rental while I wait for the details of my new condo purchase to be finalized.  This brings me to today.  The person sitting in front of this computer screen is not the same person that rung in New Years 2016.  The girl who sits here today has stepped out of her hiding place.  She’s forced herself to face her fear of living.  She’s still afraid, but she’s learning to be ok with fear.  I’ve let too much of my life pass me by because I wanted to feel comfort.  I was comfortable with the shit in life because it was the shit I knew.  No more.

My only hope for 2017 is to not allow myself to dig a new hole.  I need to stay above ground and live my life.  Good or bad: it’s the only one I get.

This blog is another 2016 first, and I hope to continue writing for years to come.  Thank you to all those who take the time to read my posts.  More importantly, thank you for your kind comments.  So many of you are going through hard times in life, and this Christmas will be difficult for you.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers — I wish you all the best for 2017.