A Simple Kinda Man

If weekends could talk, this past one would be telling the story of strength, sorrow, excitement, fantasy, and rock n’ roll.  A weekend worth remembering, but one that took a great deal of strength to endure on my part.

After two weeks of being completely mistreated by a man I only dated for five weeks, I cut all ties on Saturday morning.  I had planned on waiting to see him in person to decide what to do, but that all changed when he sent me an accidental text Friday night.  Backing up, let me tell you about my Friday night.  If you read my Friday post, you are aware that I was in contact with a musician I had seen last summer.  I found him on a dating site, and he invited me out to his show.  I went — all by myself.  After his set, we sat and had some drinks, and he called me later on that night.  I was pretty taken with him, but I hadn’t finished things with RST (the trucker).

That night when I was on the phone with the musician, I received a test from RST at 1:00 a.m.  It wasn’t meant for me.  That did it for me.  I just had had enough.  I sent him a message telling him to never message me again.  He did, of course, the next morning.  He acted like the victim once again.  I didn’t bite this time.  I told him that his lack of affection and attention made me lose interest.  I told him that I was looking for someone who actually wanted to talk and hang out with me.  He acted confused, but then told me off.  DONE.

The following night, I went out with my friends to watch the musician’s show again.  When he was done, we all hung out and played pool.  He ended up driving me home, and I invited him in to play guitar together.  We drank wine, played guitar, and cuddled all night.  He’s much younger than I am, and I have no idea if it will go anywhere.  Tonight he is coming over to cook me dinner, and I’m looking forward to spending time with him.  He’s fun to be around, and he’s a simple kinda man.   If anything we will have some fun and enjoy each other’s company.

On another note — I’ve tried commenting on a few of your blogs today, but Word Press is acting up.  Hopefully it will let me comment later.  Happy Monday my blogger friends — here’s to a great week.

Let Me Tell You A Story…

Midsection of Woman Holding Coffee Cup on Table

When I was a little girl, I dreamt of falling in love.  The fairytale kind filled with romance and butterflies.  At the age of 21, I was married to a nice man, but not the right man.  After the marriage ended, I had a string of terrible relationships that left me hurt and guarded.  My last relationship ended almost five years ago, and I’ve kept my heart under lock and key ever since.  That is until now.

A little over three weeks ago, I had what I thought would be another insignificant Tinder coffee date.  My hope for meeting “the one” has slowly dwindled these past five years, so I wasn’t expecting much from this meet up.  We met on a Sunday morning at my regular cafe.  He was sitting on the patio when I arrived, but I wasn’t sure he recognized me.  Just when I was going to walk by and go in, he stood up and said “hello”.  That voice!  Being as discreet as I could, I eyed him up as we walked to the counter to order our coffee.  Attractive, good shape, tattoo on one arm, dressed well, tall, dark, and handsome.  OH and great smile.

That morning we had coffee for two hours.  I didn’t want to leave him, but I was starving. When I told him I had to leave because I needed to eat lunch, he asked if I was going out somewhere for lunch.  I said I was, and I asked him if he wanted to join me.  “Yes”  He did.  I enjoyed spending time with him, but It was to early to determine what I thought of him as a potential partner.  He is a truck driver and out of town Monday to Friday, but he asked me if I’d be interested in having dinner with him next Saturday.  Plans were made, and we parted ways.

The following weekend, we had our dinner together.  We had some drink and laughs; he was easy to be with.  We made plans to go for a hike the following day.  He was a complete gentleman.  He had made no attempts to kiss me the first two weekends we spent together.  Our next weeked together involved dinner again on Saturday, and he came back to my place to play guitar and have drinks.  I let him sleep on the couch because he had been drinking… still he did not try to kiss me.  That Sunday we took a drive to a neighbouring town (2 hours away) to go shopping.   When he opened to door to the mall for me, he put his other hand on the small of my back to guide me in.  MY HEART FLUTTERED.  As we wandered from store to store, he would touch my low back, or hip just enough to show his interest.  When we returned to town, I invited him for dinner….

While I was preparing the meal, my anxiety decided to act up.  The music was too loud, he was talking, food was cooking — I could feel the panic rise in my chest.  When I asked him to lower the volume, he did right away, and I had to tell him about my anxiety.  He was caring and understanding.  When dinner was ready, we ate and then he stood up and walked over to my chair.  He leaned over me, and then….. he kissed me.  I have never in my life been kissed like that.  Firm but gentle, slow but eager… it still sends shivers down my spine when I think of it.

He left the next day for another week on the road, which then brings us to this past weekend.  There was no denying the physical attraction we had for each other.  We had so much fun together this weekend, and yes — we took it to the next level.  It was more than amazing.  He left on Monday, and since he left, I’ve been super anxious about my growing feelings for him.  If he didn’t text or call, I was worried he wasn’t feeling the same as I was… yesterday was bad, but I worked my way through my anxiety.  Then, at 8:35pm, he called.  He had been out of cell service all day, but he said he had been thinking of me non-stop.  He told me he really liked me, and it made him happy how much he liked me.  I admitted my fears, and he told me I had no reason to fear this — I believe him.  I feel so connected to him even though it’s only been a few weeks.   Time will tell if this is the one I’ve been waiting for.  For reasons I can’t explain, however, I believe he is.

I’m happy, and for the first time in a very long time, I’m excited about the future.  I’m not niave; I know love takes time.  I’m falling, however.  Falling for the most honest, beautiful man I’ve ever met.  This is the beginning of a new story — a love story.

Winds of Change

“Change is imminent! We must enthusiastically embrace it, manage it, and craft it to our advantage.” -Steve Craft
nature, person, red

The air smells different when your life is about to change.  It’s a distinct, yet unrecognizable smell that tells you to keep your eyes open.  You might not know what’s going to change, but you know somethings coming.  The sweet aroma of change has drifted my direction, and I’m excitedly ready for it.

Life it good; I have a decent job, great friends, and a overwhelming sense of well-being, so why would I welcome a change?  Because change is what makes the world exciting, at least for me.  New stimulation ignites my creativity, and brightens my world.  Change keeps me on my toes allowing me to stay centered and balanced.  Change is what makes the world go round and round and round.

I haven’t always felt this way about life changes; in my younger years, I feared change.  Nothing aggrevated my anxiety like having to change my predictable life.  The inability to initiate change caused me years of confusion and depression.  I’m so grateful that I’ve experienced times of drastic change because I’ve learned, most times, change is good.

Although I don’t know what’s coming up ahead, I have been actively pushing Change’s buttons.  I’ve been watching and applying for new career opportunities, entertaining new friendships, renewing my living environment, creating new personal boundries, eliminating medication, and saying yes to more FUN activities.  Summed up — I’m LIVING life.  My small efforts to enrich my life are paying off; not in a materialistic way, in a spiritual way.  Someone commented on one of my posts that “this is my time”, and she is right.  This is my time, so I better keep my feet in the stirrups because I have a feeling it’s going to be a wild ride.

GIDDY UP!!!

Anticipation

Happily ever after – not my usual train of thought before going on a first date.  For the most part, my biggest first date wish is – survival.  Today, however, is not like most pre-date anxiety.  The feeling I have is completely foreign to me; hard to explain.  Could it be I’m feeling excited about it?

How this date came to be is much like any others I go on – but with a twist.  Yesterday, I was bored, and when I’m bored I check my online dating messages.  There were five messages in my inbox – not one I would reply to.  Occassionally if I’m really bored, I do a search for men in my area to see if there are any new profiles.  On the first page of my search I spot someone I find extremely attractive (very rare).  I click on his profile and notice he has no kids – good sign.  I scroll down to the about me section and it reads:

“Me: Passionate, masculine, physical, active, caring, intelligent, sensitive, hard working, financially secure, single!!

“You: Confident, classy, active womane with her own opinions on life and the world, who can express her wants and needs while caring about others…”

I immediately think “this must be a fake profile,” and am I classy?  Maybe I have message him before, and I don’t remember.  What if I messaged him, and he didn’t respond to me.  Should I message him?  I don’t want to seem desperate, but wow he seems great.  Should I message, or no?  I just about decided on “no”, when I changed my mind and wrote:

Hi – I found your profile really great, and I’d love to chat.  If I’ve messaged you before I’m sorry.  Your profile looks familiar, but I can’t remember if I messaged you.  If you’re interested in chatting or meeting up, great – If not, have a great day anyway 🙂

As soon as I hit “send”, I second guess myself.  Did I sound needed, weird, desperate?  Why does dating have to be so difficult.  I pretty much talk myself into believing there is no way he will respond when, to my surprise, he messaged me back.  Apparently, he is new to online dating, and so far he hasn’t enjoyed it.  He tells me he read my profile and really like it.  So short story even shorter – we are meeting tonight for a drink.

What if he is the one?  Is it even a possibility?  I truly can’t remember the last time I was excited about a date.  This man not only has great looks, but also seems to have a great personality.  He seems genuine.  Of course, I have been wrong in the past, which is the main reason I no longer get my hopes up.  But this once, I think I will allow myself the thrill of anticipation.

Now comes the hard part.  WHAT DO I WEAR? Do I dress up or go casual? Hair up or down? Heels or flats? These decisions could make or break the rest of my life!!!!!!!!!!!

OK – maybe that’s being a little dramatic, but I want to put my best foot forward on this one.  I realize I must be myself; otherwise, what’s the point.  The only way for true potential is showing off the true me.  But just like going on an interview, I feel I should “sell” myself a little.  There might even be enough time for me to quickly run to the mall for a nice new shirt to go with my skinny jeans 🙂  I think I will skip the heels just in case I end of stumbling and falling flat on my face.

The Merrian-Webster dictionary describes anticipation as “the act of excitment about something that is going to happen.”  Yes – this is the feeling I have Anticipation.