An End to An End

I’m a little crazy.  I’m fully aware that my anxiety disorder causes me confusion and distress.  However, I know when I’m being manipulated, and when someone is playing games to mess with my head.  I knew this about the guy I was seeing, but I didn’t want to believe it, so I let him back in on Sunday.  This morning, I ended it.

After a week of waiting to find out why he cut me off completely last weekend, he took me for coffee on Sunday to apologize and asked to get things back on track.  I allowed it.  He’s a truck driver and was heading back on the road that evening, but he said he’d call me.  He did not.  Yesterday all I received were short replies to my text messages.  No sweetness, no phone call, no goodnight… It had me thinking “here he goes again; unsure of what he wants.”

It drove me crazy all day, and this morning I had made up my mind.  This isn’t working for me.  It was great for the first few weeks, but then he pulled away.  That caused my guard to go up, and he did nothing to make me feel secure again.  When I told him I couldn’t do it, and I wasn’t interested in the mixed messages, he turned it on me again.

I’m too insecure.  I read in to things.  Etc.  I did attempt to call him, but he wouldn’t pick up.  I’m all too familiar with this type of manipulation.  This is exactly how it started with my ex.  He’d act all loving one day, and then cold the next.  If I asked what was wrong, I was being insecure and needy.  This type of man twists you around until you have no idea what to think anymore.  Not this time.

It doesn’t matter what his intentions or reasons are.  He makes me feel bad, and that’s not what I want in a relationship.  Passion is not the only important thing, so I have to let go.

Sir Mixed Message A Lot

It’s here — the BIG F is finally here.       FUCK!     and it’s also Friday; I love Fridays… and the word “fuck”.  It one of those feel good words.  YEAH it’s fucking Friday baby, and I have myself booked right up for the evening.  Drinks at my place right after work with a girlfriend followed up with a Tinder date.  Look out boy — I’m feeling aggressive.

Mr. Asshole sent another text message last night.  After I specifically told him I wouldn’t deal with this by text.  His message basically said “hey, so it’s all your fault for liking me too much.  I’m a pussy and can’t handle emotions well.  I may have told you I was falling hard for you, but you are falling too fast and it freaked me out.  SO I lied about being hung up on my ex.  That was an excuse.  I wanted to put it on me, so I didn’t hurt you.  I’m not ready for anything this serious”

WTF?  Ok, he didn’t word it exactly like that — it was way worse, but that was the jist of is.  The guy is a complete mind fucker.  I had to scroll through my message to see if maybe I had only imagined all the things he told me over the past five weeks.  Guess what?  I hadn’t.  It was all there in blue and white text bubbles.  Message after message, he told me he thinks about me all the time, he misses me when we weren’t together, that he was falling hard for me etc — it goes on and on and on.  I’m completely dumbfounded as to how “I” was the one falling too hard.  Regardless, I told him to take a hike.  I’m not going to lie; that wasn’t easy for me.  I “did” like him.  Past tense intended.

SO onward and upward I go, high ho.  It’s off to swoon after another.  If I fall too fast, so be it.  The right man won’t care because he will be right there along side me.  Drinking a beer (or wine, or whiskey, or…)  smacking that!  Cause baby got back.

Texting, Texting… 1.2.3.

The world we live in has changed dramatically over my life time, and I’m not sure for the good.  People spend enormous amounts of time on their cell phones, tablets, and computers.  Sadly, many people spend more time with their friends on Facebook than they do in person.  I witnessed a pretty messed up situation last night when I was out for beers with a good guy friend from work.

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My friend and I are fairly close, and we both were having a bit of a rough week.  For him it was work stress; for me it was the lack of control regarding the sale of my house.  We decided it would be nice to blow off some steam with a few beers down at the local brew house.   After running a couple of quick errands, I met up with him and we started chatting about his new love interest.  He has been dating this one for just over 1.5 months, and he claimed she might be the one — he liked her.  He was, however, a little puzzled by some of her behaviours.  Several times he had asked her to hang out, and her basic response was, “I’m going to pass; I’m too tired.”  My thought to this was: “She’s just not that into you.”

When I told my friend what I thought about it, he assured me it wasn’t that.  He was convinced they had a pretty strong connection.  Fair enough; what do I know.  Sometime after ordering our second beer, my friend received a text.   He glanced at it, and then said “I’m getting dumped right now.”  And he was.   WTF!!!! Dumped by text? What is wrong with people?   I’m sorry but that it total B.S.  Get a set of lady balls and do it in person for F sakes.  Sure it’s not fun having to tell someone that you don’t want to see them anymore, but it’s something that needs to be done face to face.

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I felt terrible for my friend, so I did the only thing I could do: I drank beer with him and let him talk.  It turned out to be a later night than expected, but to my surprise I actually feel pretty good today.  Aside from being a little tired, I feel good.  No anxiety, no overthinking, and no low mood.  Strange.   My friend on the other hand did not fair as well.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen that shade of green on a person before — YIKES.

I know he will be fine; he’s drop dead gorgeous and women basically throw themselves at him.  However, I’m still pissed at the level of disrespect his “ex”-girlfriend displayed.  Text messaging has a place, but there is no place for it where the heart is concerned.