A Simple Kinda Man

If weekends could talk, this past one would be telling the story of strength, sorrow, excitement, fantasy, and rock n’ roll.  A weekend worth remembering, but one that took a great deal of strength to endure on my part.

After two weeks of being completely mistreated by a man I only dated for five weeks, I cut all ties on Saturday morning.  I had planned on waiting to see him in person to decide what to do, but that all changed when he sent me an accidental text Friday night.  Backing up, let me tell you about my Friday night.  If you read my Friday post, you are aware that I was in contact with a musician I had seen last summer.  I found him on a dating site, and he invited me out to his show.  I went — all by myself.  After his set, we sat and had some drinks, and he called me later on that night.  I was pretty taken with him, but I hadn’t finished things with RST (the trucker).

That night when I was on the phone with the musician, I received a test from RST at 1:00 a.m.  It wasn’t meant for me.  That did it for me.  I just had had enough.  I sent him a message telling him to never message me again.  He did, of course, the next morning.  He acted like the victim once again.  I didn’t bite this time.  I told him that his lack of affection and attention made me lose interest.  I told him that I was looking for someone who actually wanted to talk and hang out with me.  He acted confused, but then told me off.  DONE.

The following night, I went out with my friends to watch the musician’s show again.  When he was done, we all hung out and played pool.  He ended up driving me home, and I invited him in to play guitar together.  We drank wine, played guitar, and cuddled all night.  He’s much younger than I am, and I have no idea if it will go anywhere.  Tonight he is coming over to cook me dinner, and I’m looking forward to spending time with him.  He’s fun to be around, and he’s a simple kinda man.   If anything we will have some fun and enjoy each other’s company.

On another note — I’ve tried commenting on a few of your blogs today, but Word Press is acting up.  Hopefully it will let me comment later.  Happy Monday my blogger friends — here’s to a great week.

Soul Cry

For five years, I kept my heart under lock and key.  There was no way I was giving it up until I found what I was looking for.  I truly thought I had, but I was so very wrong.  My heart hurts so badly right now, I can barely breathe.  My red dry eyes burn from the river of tears that have flowed from them the last two days.  The beat of my heart is a thunderous boom in my head.  My muscles are wound so tight I’m afraid they are going to burst.  This is day two of my broken heart.

I feel foolish for feeling so hurt from a man I only dated for five weeks.  But I feel what I feel.  It has been so long since I’ve let my guard down, and I was happy.  He made me smile, and I enjoyed everything about him.  He told me he was falling hard for me, he made future plans with me, and I can still feel his touch when I close my eyes.  How could I have not seen this coming?  Yesterday out of the blue he told me he needed a moment to catch his breath.  I left him be, and this morning he sent another text (no phone call, just text).  He said I have made him question his readiness for a relationship.  He wonders if he isn’t fully over his last relationship, and that maybe he thinks about her too often.  My response: Nothing.

I’m not ready to respond.  I don’t know what to say to him.  One minute, I want to tell him it’s normal to question, the next I want to tell him to go fuck himself.  I want to yell at him for leading me on and allowing me to fall for him.  Thank him for being so careless with my heart.  But for now, I will say nothing.  He doesn’t deserve a response to a text message.  He didn’t respect me enough to call and talk to me about his feelings.

I’m so tired.  Exhaustion has taken over, but I know I will keep pushing myself.  I will push myself to the gym, and I will push myself to stay busy.  The pain will lessen, and I will survive.  Right now I hurt though.  Every single part of me is longing for him; my soul cries.   I miss him.