When it comes to matters of the heart, there are no rules. However, as we age, starting new relationships become more and more difficult. We come with baggage; we’ve been hurt, and we are scared of letting ourselves love again.
To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think I’d ever love again after leaving a very abussive relationship five years ago. I had turtles my feelings; no man had a chance of breaking through the shell I hid under. That all changed a couple months ago. If you’ve been following my recent posts, you know the love story gone wrong. I had given my heart to what I thought was the one, and he ended up running.
He ran and I turtled. My walls went up just as fast as they had come down with him. He hurt me, and I wasn’t willing to put up with any of it. I was determined to move on as quickly as possible, so I hit the town and tried to distract myself. It didn’t work. I missed him so bad my body ached. I spent all day yesterday crying over the loss.
Longish story short, I sent him a message last night. I didn’t expect a response, but I felt I owed it to myself to give him the opportunity to explain himself. This morning at 6:00am, he replied: coffee?
This is what I wanted. Him to at least see me in person and talk to me. We met and he apologized for the shitty way he handled his fears. He likes me a lot and it freaked him out. He asked for forgiveness. After telling him what I will not tolerate in a relationship and after coming to a mutual understanding, I forgave him.
Time will tell if o made the right choice, but I have to try. My heart wants him, and I think his wants me. I’m going back with my eyes a little wider, and it will take some time for me to fully trust him again. But I must be willing to help him carry his baggage because I need him to help me with mine.
So the story continues…. let’s hope this time for good.