A very wise man told me today that the most important thing we keep during heartbreak is a sense of self. I couldn’t agree more. With everything that has happened over the past four days, I can hold my head high and say I valued myself and my worth.
As mentioned in my last two posts, I’m currently dealing with a bit of a broken heart. I met what I thought was the man of my dreams five weeks ago. During those five weeks, this man convinced me he was falling for me and that he wasn’t going anywhere. I believed him, but I was noticing how much he talked about his ex-girlfriend. This past Friday, I asked him if he felt he was truly over her. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me he was and that he was emotionally available for me. Saturday he left town with a friend, and Sunday he sent me a text message that said he needed space. Flip of a switch with no fucking warning.
Since then, he has messaged me twice by text. Once to tell me the reason he needed space was to re-evaluate whether or not he was ready for a relationship. He told me it was because of my question that he was now unsure. The second message came this morning. It basically said he didn’t know what to say to me. He claims he might be confused, but he doesn’t want this to go any further until he is sure he won’t hurt me in the end.
My first reaction to everything was shock. How does someone go from falling for you to not sure over night? I don’t believe that is possible. Once the shock wore off I felt very hurt. Hurt that he just disappeared with only a text. No phone call, no face to face. A coward. In between the hurt is anger. Extreme anger. I will not allow him to string me along. If he doesn’t know what he wants then I’m not going to sit around and wait for him to figure it out. I’ve sent him one text in return — I wrote:
“I don’t know how I feel now that this has happened. If you want to talk to me about it then call me and we can try and sort it. I won’t deal with this by text.”
I realize by sending this I’m giving him an ultimatum. It was very hard for me to do this because deep down, I want this to work. But the only way it will work is if he truly is over his ex, and he needs to be able to communicate with me — not by text. I deserve better than a text message. If it is over than so be it. I will hurt, cry, and cry some more. But one thing is for sure — I will get over it, and I will so by keeping my sense of self. Thank you Mr. Devane for your kindness. You are in my thoughts.