For five years, I kept my heart under lock and key. There was no way I was giving it up until I found what I was looking for. I truly thought I had, but I was so very wrong. My heart hurts so badly right now, I can barely breathe. My red dry eyes burn from the river of tears that have flowed from them the last two days. The beat of my heart is a thunderous boom in my head. My muscles are wound so tight I’m afraid they are going to burst. This is day two of my broken heart.
I feel foolish for feeling so hurt from a man I only dated for five weeks. But I feel what I feel. It has been so long since I’ve let my guard down, and I was happy. He made me smile, and I enjoyed everything about him. He told me he was falling hard for me, he made future plans with me, and I can still feel his touch when I close my eyes. How could I have not seen this coming? Yesterday out of the blue he told me he needed a moment to catch his breath. I left him be, and this morning he sent another text (no phone call, just text). He said I have made him question his readiness for a relationship. He wonders if he isn’t fully over his last relationship, and that maybe he thinks about her too often. My response: Nothing.
I’m not ready to respond. I don’t know what to say to him. One minute, I want to tell him it’s normal to question, the next I want to tell him to go fuck himself. I want to yell at him for leading me on and allowing me to fall for him. Thank him for being so careless with my heart. But for now, I will say nothing. He doesn’t deserve a response to a text message. He didn’t respect me enough to call and talk to me about his feelings.
I’m so tired. Exhaustion has taken over, but I know I will keep pushing myself. I will push myself to the gym, and I will push myself to stay busy. The pain will lessen, and I will survive. Right now I hurt though. Every single part of me is longing for him; my soul cries. I miss him.