Falling in love is like getting behind the wheel of a fast car, blind folder, and punching the gas pedal to the floor — it’s a rush for sure. One that I haven’t felt in so long, and now that it’s happening I can’t stop my head from spinning. My world changed and all it took was a swipe to the right.
It’s been a little over a month since I met my guy; let’s call him RST. I met him shortly after deciding to go back on my anxiety medication. It’s unlikely there is a correlation between the two events, but it’s possible the medication made it possible for me to go on a second date. Prior to meeting RST, I had been suffering pretty bad from my anxiety. Depression was looming, and I was self-medicating with wine on a nightly basis. It was desperation that made me pick up the phone and dial my doctor’s office. Nine months after coming of my anxiety meds, and I was throwing in the towel. I wasn’t coping off the meds, so I sucked up my pride and asked for help.
That was seven weeks ago, and I’m at a much better place today then I was back then. I had a visit with my doctor on Tuesday to discuss my progress, and he said my mood is like night and day. Major improvement — yeah me. This doesn’t mean I’m anxiety free; I should be so lucky. NOPE. I still have anxiety, and the new relationship is part to blame. It’s a great relationship, don’t get me wrong. He is an amazing man, and I haven’t seen one red flag to date. That’s the problem. I’m falling and falling hard. It’s scary as hell, but I’m doing it. I’m letting go and taking the risk. My heart has found it’s match, and I have never in my life known this more surely than I do with him. If I’m wrong and I end up with a broken heart, so be it.
Finding the words to express myself lately has been a challenge. I’m sure once my head comes down from the clouds, I will be able to think a little more clearly. Until then, I will do my best to make blog appearances from time to time.