For a Travelling Gipsy I’m Not

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Easter Monday in Canada is not considered a stat holiday unless you work for the government or a bank.  However, a large majority of people book the day off as a personal holiday.  I, of course, did not.  I only get two weeks vacation, so I save my days for when I’ve reached maximum burn out.   I split the weeks up: one at the end of summer and one over the Christmas holidays.   Needless to say, I’m stuck at work today with only a handful of other poor suckers.  Most of the offices are empty — it’s eerily quiet…. WHY am I here?   Oh right — money.  What I wouldn’t give for a little freedom.

Freedom from the shackles of modern day life.  No money worries or job stress.  No list of errands that must be done or bills that need to be paid.  Carefree for just a spell.  That’s right, I’m not asking for an eternity of freedom.  All I need is a brief moment of my own life that belongs to me and me alone.   I want to press the pause botton on life and take a little me time.   I envy people who have the ability to put their lives on hold to travel the world and find themselves.  I don’t have the financial means to embark on such a luxurious self-discover journey.  My self-search has to be squeezed in between board meetings and spin class — no wonder I’m still navigating my life with such aimless abandon.

I know that if I truly desired a life of worldly travel, I would be globe trotting as we speak.  But that’s not me.  I don’t have it in me to make that happen.  I’m a person that needs a level of stability and security, and wild abandon does not satisfy those needs.  A girl like me with a heavy dose of generalized anxiety must understand her own personal limits.  I could change my life completely, but it would spin me around so violently, I wouldn’t enjoy myself.  I push myself and take moderate risks in life and really that is all I can ask of myself.

A structured life is my destiny, for a travelling gipsy I’m not. — Ms. SG41

 

 

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Buffy Devane says:

    Ah yes; I do appreciate this… for me it’s a mild contradiction; the inward “rogue traveller” that would like to broaden my horizons contrasts sharply with the outward me that (mostly) requires structure and stability to each week.
    I suppose if you can make peace with that (and it sounds like you’re doing so) that’s the most important thing:- after all, I know some people who’ve circled the globe more than once, hopping continents, yet remain inward-looking/immoveable/dull in their outlook… it seems that to be well-travelled is often more in the mind than anywhere(!)

    I hope that the day of eerie quietness goes quickly, my friend. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      Exactly my conundrum– I want to be more spontaneous and free but that just doesn’t mix well with my anxiety.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Buffy Devane says:

        Yep; there is a happy medium, I think, where a nice degree of free spontaneity doesn’t provoke anxiety… it’s just very tricky to find! It’s why having friends/associates who appreciate our anxiety definitely helps (or such is my experience, anyway).

        Liked by 1 person

  2. nkdwhtguy says:

    I think you’d make a fine world traveler. Like you, I too need structure in my life. I had none when I was growing up, but found it when I enlisted in the Navy at 17. I was forced to find a way to endure, then enjoy, traveling, and wound up living and working in over a dozen foreign countries. But even now, being retired, I still need structure. So, my thought is, structure and travel are not mutually exclusive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      I agree with you there. I don’t have an issue with travel for vacation purposes. It was the idea of leaving my structured life to travel the world with no return date in mind. I couldn’t give up my job and home for a life of world travel. It sounds like you’ve lived an exciting live for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

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