How To Spot a Liar

I’m a shitty liar.  I’ve ever been able to master the art of a good lie.  For one, I hate the way lying makes me feel, and secondly, I don’t understand the purpose of a lie.  Unless of course my best friend asks me if she looks fat.  She doesn’t, but if she ever did, I’m not sure I’d answer, “well, ya.” For this reason, I also struggle to tell when I’m being lied to.

My last relationship was filled with lies and manipulation.  So much so, I questions my every instinct.  I haven’t dated anyone serious since the end of that relationship 5 years ago.  Last week, I met a guy who I found somewhat interesting and it became intimate quickly.  That’s very unlike me, after a long stint of celibacy, I craved physical touch.  We had two dates before I invited (he invited himself) over to watch a movie.  We had some drinks that evening and it did result in a sleep over.  The next night he came over because it was his birthday, and even though I was dead tired, I stayed up and watched a movie with him (no sex).  The final date was on Friday.  We had drinks, played guitar, and finished the date in bed.  That makes up a total of one week.

Over this short period of time, I had some red flags.   I noticed he talked a lot about his ex, and he also spent a lot of time talking about himself.  I mentioned my observation on our fourth date.  He said he was over his ex, as it was a mutual break up, but they were still friends.  He said the reason he hadn’t asked much about me was because he wanted to learn about me slowly.  He also threw in a comment about not buying me anything for Valentine’s day, as he wanted just one Valentine’s day that he didn’t have to get someone something.  HMMMM ok.

The Saturday after he left my place, he messaged me later in the day to tell me about his great 2 hour nap.  He then tells me what he planned on making himself for dinner. Hint — he doesn’t want to hang out.  Disappointing because it’s a long weekend, and it would have been nice to have the company.  BUT I didn’t mention it. He then tells me that he is super tired and it’s going to be an early night for him (didn’t he just sleep for 2 hours?)  He added that he would invite me over, but he was just so fucking tired.  Something felt off, but I didn’t want to be “THAT” Girl.  I heard nothing from him after 6:30pm.  The next texts me to tell me he just had the best 11 hour sleep.  Maybe he’s depressed??? That’s a lot of sleep in one day.

He had to work yesterday morning, so I didn’t expect to hear much from him.   Later in the day, I send him a message to let him know I was heading out to see my parents, but to text me later if he was free.  He sent a message at 3:30pm to tell me he was just getting off work.  I asked him what he was getting up to for the night?  NO response.  I noticed I had a message sitting in my plent of fish mail box (online dating site), so I went on to check it.  You can see when other people are on the site, because a little “online now” phrase show on the profile. And there he was online now.  I wouldn’t care, but it was obvious he was on his phone, so he did in fact see my message.

Let me shorten this up.  I sent him a message that I was getting the “peace out vibe” from him.  After a few hours he called and said, sorry I was having a nap, but wanted to know why I felt that way.  FOR one, why the fuck are you always sleeping?  I call bullshit.  He said he was totally tired again, and he was going to stay in.  I later received a text saying that because I was accusing him of lying about not being over his ex and lying about all the sleeping (which by the way, I never accused him of shit — I simply asked), that he could no longer see me.  It was a nice long text message telling me this.  My reply “OK”.

I think I was picking up the bullshiter vibe right from the start. He bragged a lot about his YouTube channel, and he made sure I knew how many other women found him HOT.  Now, maybe it’s me and my anxiety.  Maybe I was a little neurotic calling him out last night after only a week of dating.  BUT I don’t think so.  Even if it was all in my head, a decent guy would want to make me feel secure, not get defensive and write me off.  I’m going to stick with my gut in thinking he was a lying piece of…. I am feeling rejected, and my heart hurts , but I will get over it.  I hope my lie detector is not broken.  I hope I am not just a crazy bitch.  If I am, I have no hope in hell of ever finding love again.


14 thoughts on “How To Spot a Liar

  1. Yeah, that guy doesn’t sound good..he sounds like a liar and maybe a bit of a sociopath and a compulsive obsession with himself. A little not date on p.o.f that’s only for hook ups..this story I’ve heard before. My dear friend always gets caught up on those free sites and it’s always the same story..he’s sleeping, but really online..he sleeps with her then pulls this shady behavior..I say forget those sister found her husband on try that site..I think there is probably better options on there. You are worth more than p.o.f..unless you are just looking for a one night stand..a jobless hobo..a liar or sex addict. Mostly just liars..they will just give you anxiety..and in the end, you’ll hope that’s all he gave to you. I’m sorry that guy turned out to be a bummer. But learn and move on to a normal MAN.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Don’t you have to pay for match and some other..better sites? I mean there are some that I said my sister met her husband there and atleast if you’re paying for a know he’s not broke..and seriously intrested. But p.o.f, tumbler and all those new sites are strictly just for sex. They are well known for their lack of real meaningful relationships..and as we get older it gets harder to meet someone in everyday specific websites are actually good. Maybe you’ll meet someone from out of town and get married..? You should just try. Just no more pof. Good luck was a great post tho.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ouch. 😦
    I’ve had similar deceit from partners — and only relatively recently I’ve been able to break down the psychology of some manipulators, just a little (I’m non-too-sharp!)
    I think it speaks well of you to want to think the best of a guy… but you’re appreciating that giving people the benefit of the doubt can, of course, be self-defeating, as I’ve learnt from experience.

    But in spite of setbacks, I think you’re doing alright, if I may say… you’ve a lot of self-awareness now, which is a good sign for personal development. It sounds like you’re developing discernment… which is no fun, but a Good Thing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not long before she met her future husband, a female friend in her mid-40s said to me (without any trace of bitterness) that “it’s my seasoned opinion that 98% of men are shits”… I don’t know where she gets her statistics from, but it was interesting to hear.
        She didn’t say anything about women…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Not to join the choir, but it’s him – whether he was lying or not – it is flaky and creepy – you don’t spend a couple close nights/dates with someone and then get weird. Most of all, his reaction – saying he can’t see you – is prove positive he was either lying about his intentions – nobody honest does a turn about like that.

    .. I had a bad feeling about him as soon as you mentioned “youtube pot smoker.” – gee, I wonder why he’s sleeping so much. Unless

    He’s a player – or thinks he is – and has little integrity. He’s not the last insincere, characterless you’ll come across – if you’re playing the dating scene .

    I responded on my blog to your question.


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