Take Me Home Tonight — I’m Fucking Tired

An all night date night is cause for celebration by some.  For me, it’s an anxiety trigger that has me regretting every minute of it.   I had an unexpected date number three with Mr. YouTube last night which resulted in me getting less than five hours of sleep.  I should be glowing with excitment, but I’m not.  I fucking tired.  Tired, anxious, and I feel sick to my stomach.  WTF is wrong with me.

I wasn’t supposed to have date number three until tonight, but Mr. YT couldn’t wait that long.  We have been texting back and forth a lot since our weekend dates, and we planned to meet tonight for his birthday.  Last night, I was wondering around the grocery store after my work out, and he send me a “what are you up to tonight” text.  CRAP.  I get instant anxiety when someone asks me to hang out on a work night.  WHY do people insist on doing things on work nights?  I had agreed to the birthday date, but even that was causing me some anxiety.  Anyway, back to the grocery store.  I stared at my phone for a few minutes and then texted him back “buying groceries, making and eating dinner, and then some Netflix before bed.  You?”

NO GOING BACK NOW.  I set him up perfectly for an invite — what I was thinking.  He sends back a cute little message saying that he wouldn’t be upset if I wanted to watch some Netflix with him.  If I wasn’t interested in him, I would have blown him off.  I do like him, however, so before I could change my mind, I invited him over with the expectation that he would need to leave by 10pm.

Admittedly, my dating experiences have been sparce over the last four years.  I had forgotten what it is like to hang out with a guy and actually enjoy myself.  AND I did enjoy myself.  We drank wine, played guitar, YouTubed Music Videos, and talked.  There is an X-rated ending to our night, but I’m not a kiss and tell kinda girl.  However, I woke up at 5:30am with a man in my bed.  ENOUGH SAID.  Over the past four years, I have had three sexual encounters, this will be number four.  I WANT TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT, but my anxiety won’t allow it.  Instead, I’m anxious about how tired I am, and how irresponsible it was to stay up so late on a work night.  FOR FUCK SAKE.

To make matters worse, I will be seeing him again tonight.  It’s not a bad thing that I will be seeing him, but I’d rather have the option of going straight home to bed after work. Unfortunately, I couldn’t cancel on his birthday.  He did give me an out, but I didn’t take it.  Luckily he didn’t hold me to our original dinner out plans.  I suggested ordering takeout and watching a moving in — he was game.   Date number four will include PJ’s, takeout, and a solid nap.  When did I get so OLD.

 

Woman in White Shirt Sleeping on Gray Fabric Sofa

 

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. I can relate. That midnight, whatcha doin’ text… UGH! I am so not a Netflix and Chill kinda girl. My most recent similar encounter was me keeping my hands to myself on the couch, and repeatedly removing his, and them sending him home at 9:30 when the movie was over. If things with MS don’t work, I don’t want to venture anywhere near the dating world for quite some time…

    I hope the nookie was awesome though!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      The sex was ok. I had almost a full bottle of wine, so I can’t say it was great. Not worth the lack of sleep that is for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hmm… Sorry. I wish it had been mind blowing. You deserve that.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ms. SG41 says:

        I do deserve that — haha

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I get anxious about doing things on a work night too. If I don’t get enough sleep I worry I won’t function properly the next day. I’m sure you’ll be fine though. Perhaps just talk to him tonight and let him know you need an earlier night. I’m sure he’ll understand 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      I was so tired last night when he came over for the movie. After the movie he just kept talking about himself…. finally he left at 8:30. He may just end up being a hang out friend. Then again, I’m always looking for reasons for things to not work out. Damn, I’m complicated

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t know. Somebody banging on incessantly about themselves sounds damned tedious to me. Perhaps not enough reason to dismiss him as a romantic option just yet, but definitely enough to cause an alarm or two to go off. Nobody likes a narcissist

        Liked by 1 person

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