Sometimes life has a way of showing you what really matters. Over the weekend, I had my long awaited move. What should have been an exciting day turned into a stressful, anxiety ridden event. It wasn’t the move that brought on my anxiety. It was my car.
I hate to say it, but it feels like whenever something good happens in my life, something bad is sure to follow. The evening of my move, I got in my car to go pick up some groceries. When I turned the keys in the ignition, I was greeted with the sound of the devil. Dramatic? Maybe, but the sound coming from my engine was not of this earth. This was enough to cause a panic attack. The first one in over a month, and it was a gooder. Once in panic mode, nothing went right. I tried having a bath, but there was no hot water. I tried to put on some Netflix, but the TV my brother loaned me had no volume. I was cold, tired, stressed out, and scared I had made a terrible mistake buying a new house. With tears and help from my brother, I was able to sort the hot water and TV. The car had to wait until morning.
The next day, I got up to make some coffee, but realized I had forgotten to buy Almond Milk to make my latte. I decided to chance the car and drive up the street to buy a coffee. When I started the car the noise was there, but after driving a bit it started to go away. I did some more driving that morning and when my brother came to look at the car just after 11am, the sound was gone. I’d be happy, but I have no explanation for what caused the sound. Will it come back? Is my engine dying? I have no fucking idea. I’m completely stressed out. I just bought a condo, and I had to budget myself carefully to make that happen. A new car was not part of that budget.
I hate anxiety. I get so wrapped up in non-important crap, and when something really bad comes along, I’m reminded of just how stupid my worries are. 30 minutes ago, I received a text message from my mom. My step-dad had knee surgery last Thursday, and he was sent home from the hospital yesterday. Everything was looking good until this afternoon. My mom couldn’t get him out of bed, and he was non-coherent. She was texting to let me know the ambulance was on it’s way, and my step-dad needed to go back to the hospital. Knee surgery itself doesn’t seem like a serious operation, but that’s if we’re talking about a healthy adult. My step-dad is in his late 70s, he’s extremely overweight, and he drinks “a lot”. All that combined puts him at risk for complications. So here I am stressed out about a car, all-the-while, my step-dad could be having serious complications from his surgery.
If there is a GOD listening, please take care of my step-dad, my car, and if it isn’t too much to ask, can you please rid me of anxiety. AMEN.