Always On My Mind

Selective Blur on Woman Wearing Grey Shirt

I get the keys to my condo tomorrow, and I feel like I should be excited.  I am, undoubtably, anxious to get moved out of my rental.  However, my mind seems to be focused elsewhere right now.  I’ve got men on the brain, or should I say, I have a man on the brain.

A man that is always there in the background of my thoughts, but one I can never have.  When I hang out with this man, the thoughts get pushed right up to the very frontal part of my consciousness.  He is a younger man, and he is a coworker — and I admit, I’m a little in love with him.  Love might be a bit strong of a word… It’s more like a small crush with strong friendship feelings attached.

He is one of my best guy-buds, and we hang out from time to time.  Typically, once a month or once every other month we get together for drinks after work.  We start off by saying “just one”, but it always turns into a late night, and a next day hangover.  I had one of these hang outs this past Friday.  Hangover be damned, I love hanging out with him.  He’s funny, smart, extremely attractive, and he cares about me.  That kind of combination is hard to resist, but I do resist it and for good reason.

First off, his type: young, crazy, underweight.  ME: crazy, average weight (almost), old.  I’m not fat (although, I feel it most times), but I’m definitely not underweight. My body is starting to show evidence of gravity: not that I ever had perky tits.  For a woman of 42, I would say, I do pretty good.  But he is a 34 drop dead gorgeous specimen of a man.   He can pretty much have any woman he wants.  Even if he begged me, I don’t think I’d let him see me naked.  Secondly, he wants children, and he jumps from woman to woman.  He isn’t what I’m ultimately looking for.

That all said, when we are together, I feel happy.  He has no issues telling me he thinks I’m perfect.  Over drinks last week, he asked me if I’ve ever thought of him in a romantic way.  My walls, of course, went up, and I answered “No”.  Here was my opportunity to be honest with him, and I flaked.  The questions was a drunk one, and he didn’t mean anything by it.  But it was also a dangerous question.  We are friends, and we are coworkers.  Admitting feelings could ruin both relationships.  I did send him a text the next day.  I’m saving that conversation for another post.

For now, I’m left with endless thoughts of him.  With time the thoughts will fade again into the background… If only things were different.

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Simon says:

    Do you think you’re being too hard in yourself and making it complicated?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      I might be, but I’m pretty sure the feelings are not mutual. And I am his HR rep so not appropriate anyway

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Simon says:

        But he asked you if you thought of him like that right? You might be an HR rep but if its a mutual decision then its none of works business surely? ☺

        Like

  2. summerSHINES says:

    Tell him how you feel!! 💪💪 I am screaming this at the screen 😂 He may not tick the boxes of the ideal guy, but you might be able to enjoy some romance, companionship and hot sex! Life is for living 🙂 he sounds lovely to me and I’m sure he won’t care that you’re slightly older and less perky. You *are* hot!! Cause i say so. 😊🙌😚 Every woman feels awkward getting their kit off. Don’t let anxiety spoil your fun though. I say go for it 😊👍👍👍💖👊💟💗👐

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      I so wish I could. I don’t think he actually would though and it’s complicated because I am the HR manager. Not appropriate. I don’t want to lose my job over a good time in bed.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. summerSHINES says:

        Fair enough. I hope you feel better about things soon xx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ms. SG41 says:

        I will. This always happens when I go drinking with him. lol. I get my keys today so I will likely forget all about it. Hope you are doing better today. Big hugs

        Liked by 1 person

      3. summerSHINES says:

        I am doing lots better thanks…I’m so pleased you’re finally going to be moved in! That’s awesome. Moving house is a stressful busy time, and to be doing it without the cushioning of anxiety meds is brilliant 😊💪👍💞💗💖💕

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Ms. SG41 says:

        Thx. I’m pretty proud of myself for making it happen. Thx for the cheer I appreciate it very much. You’re a total sweetheart

        Liked by 1 person

      5. summerSHINES says:

        Aw-so are you 😊💛 We’re on this journey together, getting stronger all the time 😊👍👊

        Liked by 1 person

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