Ride of My Life

“It’s never too late to change your life for the better. You don’t have to take huge steps to change your life. Making even the smallest changes to your daily routine can make a big difference to your life.”

Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart


Image result for A year of Change

What a ride 2016 has been.  If I look back over the year, I am amazed at how my life has changed.

At the beginning of 2012, me and my ex-boyfriend ended our relationship.  More accurately, I kicked his lying, cheating, abusive ass to the curb.  However, because I am a soft hearted woman, I allowed a friendship to linger for 3 more years.  Over the Christmas break last year, he broke the news to me that he was seeing someone.  It turns out that he had actually gotten someone pregnant, and so after one month of dating they were living together.  That was all it took for me to finally rid him of my life.  He took not only my self-esteem during our relationship, but also $40,000.  YES, good riddance.

At the beginning of January, I began my business program online through our local university.  It hasn’t been easy focusing on school work while working a full-time job.  Because I needed time for studying, I shut down my side fitness business.  12 years of personal training and fitness classes was enough.  I didn’t quit completely — I kept one class at the local YMCA, just to keep me in the loop.

At the beginning of summer, I made the decision to wean off a 10 year stint of anti-anxiety medication.  I was convinced that the medication wasn’t working anymore, and I was sure that my lack of sex-drive was a result of the medication.  The weaning process was really hard, but I think I’m through the worst of it.  Sex-drive is undetermined, as I haven’t found anyone I like enough to try it out on.  That is on my 2017 to-do list.

At the beginning of fall, I put my house up for sale.  It sold in a month, and I was on the hunt for a new home.  I’ve since moved into a small rental while I wait for the details of my new condo purchase to be finalized.  This brings me to today.  The person sitting in front of this computer screen is not the same person that rung in New Years 2016.  The girl who sits here today has stepped out of her hiding place.  She’s forced herself to face her fear of living.  She’s still afraid, but she’s learning to be ok with fear.  I’ve let too much of my life pass me by because I wanted to feel comfort.  I was comfortable with the shit in life because it was the shit I knew.  No more.

My only hope for 2017 is to not allow myself to dig a new hole.  I need to stay above ground and live my life.  Good or bad: it’s the only one I get.

This blog is another 2016 first, and I hope to continue writing for years to come.  Thank you to all those who take the time to read my posts.  More importantly, thank you for your kind comments.  So many of you are going through hard times in life, and this Christmas will be difficult for you.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers — I wish you all the best for 2017.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. you have accomplished so much! this is a lot of change and a lot of resilience and strength. I hope you are feeling proud of yourself (which you should). Wishing you a higher ground in 2017! :.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      Awe thank you. I don’t feel proud often. Most of the time I focus on all I do wrong. The shitty parts of anxiety. I’m glad you had a better day.


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