A Night of Tears and Fears

I’m surrounded by boxes and my home is starting to look void.  My home of ten years will be handed over to new owners in exactly two weeks. I am doing my best to stay positive and think this is for the best, but tonight I’m sad. 

My home has been my safe zone for the past decade of my life.  I have no partner and no children; I am alone.  Alone and soon to be homeless. I will have a place to put my things but it will not be home. Tears are falling for all the memories I will leave behind. I pray that I’ve made the right decision.  My fear and anxiety make it so hard to move forward and that is why this is so hard.

I don’t know what life will look like when I no longer have the safety of these walls to protect me.  What if I can’t find a place I like? What if I can’t afford it?  What if i can’t stop these tears?  I’m so scare and I feel so alone. 

I want all my tears to flow tonight, so tomorrow I can keep moving forward.  These words I wrote tonight are all that comfort me. All besides my four legged best friend.  

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19 thoughts on “A Night of Tears and Fears

    1. Ohhhhhh I so needs to be reminded of the rats haha. Hopefully soon I will be able to look back and wonder why I was so sad. Thx for the comment. Hope you’re doing ok. I need to catch up tomorrow on my blog reads.

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  1. I understand that for a anxious person our sense of safety can come from the walls we hide behind. Often we stay at home when we feel really anxious and we think our familiar home comforts soothe us. To to take that psychological crutch away is scary!! I understand. Endings are always emotional, and not yet having your next permanent home lined up is a step into the unknown, BUT I always trust the universe will supply me with what I need (and the mortgage broker lol) 😆 Soon enough you will be unpacking your stuff somewhere that is properly yours, something you own, something you can make really special, and I for one can’t wait to see the pictures on your blog when you do 😀😘😍🙌 It’s ok to cry, tears cleanse. Just have faith the future will be better than your anxiety predicts. Anxiety doesn’t always get things right! Anxiety is a pessimistic mother fucker 😂 Hugs xxx 💖💖💖

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  2. You can do this and you’re going to be fine. I know what you mean when you talk about having a place to stay but it’s not your home. That’s my reality. But you are only there for a period of time. You are going to look for a new house and you will eventually find something you really like.

    I don’t know how long your friend will let you stay in her basement apartment but if she’s giving you a few months I have to say I’m so jealous you get to actually take your time to pick a place you love. The last 4 times I’ve bought a house I had 2 days to pick something. Two days! So you get to take some time. You don’t have to go house hunting one weekend and decide on something immediately. That’s a good thing! And maybe you will find something you adore right away. The first time we bought a house we fell in love with the very first house we ever looked at. We kept looking of course because we had never done this, but we ended up buying the first one we looked at.

    And I totally get it about leaving behind your domicile. I always took pictures and got very sentimental whenever we left a house behind. It’s hard!

    Good luck to you! I’m sure you will find something fantastic within your budget.

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    1. Thx S.Sam… It’s been so long since I moved, I hadn’t remembered what it was like. You are right, and I know I will find the right place eventually. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I needed some encouragement.

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  3. you will find a great place. It may not be the first one you will try bu you will find one that will give you the feeling of safety and support you have had from your current home. It must have been the best decision to sell your house. Try to focus on the positive, if possible, that now you are moving towards a better home – may create anxiety, you are right, but it is also exciting 🙂

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