I’ve had a hard week as far as emotions and anxiety goes. Having my house up for sale has been difficult, and now I’m waiting to see if the deals a go or not — I’m thinking not. For the average person this would be a stressful event, for a person with an anxiety disorder this situation is torture. However, I’ve made it through the week, and I’m still standing. I may be wobbling, but standing just the same. There were moments this week when I wasn’t sure I could keep moving forward. But I did, one little baby step at a time.
Dealing with anxiety without the help of medication has been really hard. I’ve cried more over the past four months than I did over the last 10 years. When I was medicated, I rarely let people see my emotions; now that I’m off, I’ve had no choice but to lean on family and friends. That has been the biggest adjustment for me. Letting people see me when I’m feeling my most vulnerable is something that scares me. It always has. I worry that when people see me fall apart, they will label me as a weak person. If people view me as weak, I feel weak.
Strangely, my family and friends have expressed how good it makes them feel that I trust them enough to share my struggles. They haven’t judged me or made me feel crazy. Not everyone has been able to relate or completely understand what I’m going through, but they have been supportive none-the-less. For this, I am grateful; I do not know what I would have done without them.
There might be a lot of shit in the world, but when I think about the love I have for my family and friends, all I see it greatness.