A Past Life


I’m staring dumbfoundedly at my computer screen, as I’m forces to remember a past life.  A past life when I was a married woman, long, long ago.  A couple of hours ago, my ex-brother-in-law Facebook messaged me that his (and my ex-husband’s) mom was found dead.  This is sad on so many levels.

I was married for 10 years (1998 – 2008).  Technically, I was only with my husband for 8 years; we were separated from 2006 – 2008.  For the length of our marriage, I never met my ex-husband’s mother.  She lived in New Foundland; we lived (still do) in BC.  Besides distance, there was her drinking.  She was an alcoholic, and she went through physically abusive men on a pretty regular basis.  Months would go by when my ex-husband wouldn’t hear from her.  Her number would be disconnected, and no one would know where she was.  I watched my ex cry over his mom many times.  I know how helpless he felt knowing there was nothing he could do to change her.

After my divorce, my ex and his brother moved in together and have stuck side by side ever since.  Recently, they purchased a new house, and they seem very happy living out in the woods where they can ride their motorcross bikes anytime they want.  A few years back, their mother moved to BC to escape yet another abusive relationship.  They obviously opened their door to her with the condition that she would not drink or bring men around the house.  The arrangement didn’t last long.  I live in a different town from them, but one night I was watching the news and I saw them on TV.  Their mom had been stabbed outside their house by her boyfriend.  I later found out that she had been drinking heavily again, and she had invited her ex to come out to BC.  This was enough for my ex and his brother to kick her out.

I never knew their mom, but it’s obvious she was fighting many internal demons.  To them, however, she was “mom.”  They loved her, and I know they wished they could have helped her.  My heart hurts for them both today.  My marriage did not survive, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love my ex-husband.  I loved and cared for him very much.  I am sad for the pain he has suffered as he watched his mom destroy her life.  I am sad for the pain he must be feeling right now, as the hope for her recovery has died with her.  I am sad over the memory of a past life that fades with each passing day.  I am sad.

I am a person who lives with mental health issues, and I understand how hard it can be to get up and face the day.  For some, the struggle becomes too much.

 RIP G.K.  May you suffer no longer.



12 Comments Add yours

  1. I’m sorry you’re sad darling 😦 no wonder…you’re processing some really difficult stuff here…living with mental health demons and surviving and continuing to grow as a person makes you a very special BADASS 🙂 *squeezy hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      Thx sweetie. Sometimes life seems harder than it should have to

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s true…I can’t really counter-argue that point with positive thinking platitudes. It just is…it IS hard and it isn’t fair that it’s so hard. We always think if we’re good people that we will avoid being hurt or things going wrong but that’s a fallacy. Life can be much harder than is fair…you’re in my thoughts huni X

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ms. SG41 says:

        I appreciate having you here for support. You are a total sweetheart. You are always in my thoughts as well. xoxox

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thank you…I feel frustrated as I have friends like you who I don’t spend as much time chatting with…but WANT TO. I will make sure I do you a video or longer email soon ok chicken *hugs* xoxox

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Ms. SG41 says:

        No need to feel bad. I appreciate your comments. They come just when I need them

        Liked by 1 person

      5. That’s reassuring to know X 🙂


  2. that is a sad and beautiful post. may she rest in peace and her family and friends always find great memories to cherish

    Liked by 1 person

  3. SeekingGod2 says:

    Sorry to read this. I can imagine your mixed feelings, mixed mostly with sad ones. Find a movie or something to watch tonight. Don’t dwell in sadness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ms. SG41 says:

      I had a showing tonight and apparently they are interested so my anxiety is off the charts. Freaking out

      Liked by 1 person

      1. SeekingGod2 says:

        All the more reason to worry about it tomorrow. Tell yourself you’ll fret twice as much in the morning if you can give yourself a few hours off!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ms. SG41 says:

        Lol good advice. I’m going to try

        Liked by 1 person

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