A Past Life


I’m staring dumbfoundedly at my computer screen, as I’m forces to remember a past life.  A past life when I was a married woman, long, long ago.  A couple of hours ago, my ex-brother-in-law Facebook messaged me that his (and my ex-husband’s) mom was found dead.  This is sad on so many levels.

I was married for 10 years (1998 – 2008).  Technically, I was only with my husband for 8 years; we were separated from 2006 – 2008.  For the length of our marriage, I never met my ex-husband’s mother.  She lived in New Foundland; we lived (still do) in BC.  Besides distance, there was her drinking.  She was an alcoholic, and she went through physically abusive men on a pretty regular basis.  Months would go by when my ex-husband wouldn’t hear from her.  Her number would be disconnected, and no one would know where she was.  I watched my ex cry over his mom many times.  I know how helpless he felt knowing there was nothing he could do to change her.

After my divorce, my ex and his brother moved in together and have stuck side by side ever since.  Recently, they purchased a new house, and they seem very happy living out in the woods where they can ride their motorcross bikes anytime they want.  A few years back, their mother moved to BC to escape yet another abusive relationship.  They obviously opened their door to her with the condition that she would not drink or bring men around the house.  The arrangement didn’t last long.  I live in a different town from them, but one night I was watching the news and I saw them on TV.  Their mom had been stabbed outside their house by her boyfriend.  I later found out that she had been drinking heavily again, and she had invited her ex to come out to BC.  This was enough for my ex and his brother to kick her out.

I never knew their mom, but it’s obvious she was fighting many internal demons.  To them, however, she was “mom.”  They loved her, and I know they wished they could have helped her.  My heart hurts for them both today.  My marriage did not survive, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love my ex-husband.  I loved and cared for him very much.  I am sad for the pain he has suffered as he watched his mom destroy her life.  I am sad for the pain he must be feeling right now, as the hope for her recovery has died with her.  I am sad over the memory of a past life that fades with each passing day.  I am sad.

I am a person who lives with mental health issues, and I understand how hard it can be to get up and face the day.  For some, the struggle becomes too much.

 RIP G.K.  May you suffer no longer.



12 thoughts on “A Past Life

      1. That’s true…I can’t really counter-argue that point with positive thinking platitudes. It just is…it IS hard and it isn’t fair that it’s so hard. We always think if we’re good people that we will avoid being hurt or things going wrong but that’s a fallacy. Life can be much harder than is fair…you’re in my thoughts huni X

        Liked by 1 person

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