Do you ever get tired of monitoring yourself? That is, if you monitor yourself. I’m constantly giving myself rules, and then giving myself shit for breaking said rules. I want perfection from myself; even though I know it’s not possible. I’m smart, but I don’t always believe what I know. I know perfection is unattainable, yet I still seem to think that everyone but me has life figured out.
Last week I felt I was doing good. My anxiety was pretty near non-existent, and my moods were up. However, on the weekend, I had another showing at my house and then there was day light savings. Both of these events have messed up my system. My stomach hurts and I’m bloated, I’m exhausted even though I’ve been sleeping 9 to 10 hours a night, and I’m craving sweets. It’s only Tuesday; I have no idea how I will make it through the rest of the week. I feel fat, tired, and cranky. PERFECT. I guess it could be worse; my neighbouring country is going through a pretty nasty presidential election. I feel for them.
When my anxiety goes up, my body goes through physical changes. The physical changes then increase my anxiety, and I end up in a loop that is extremely difficult to pull out of. The best things I can do to combat my anxiety is rest, eat well, limit alcohol, and be mindful. However, when I physically feel like shit, I become restless, I crave sweets, and I drink wine… lots of it.
I’m skipping the gym tonight. I need some me time to try and pull myself out of this funk before it gets worse. I hoping for a brighter day tomorrow; I just need to get over these damn speed bumps.