I have this card sitting on my desk at work. A co-worker gave it to me for my birthday. She knows me too well…haha. On the inside she wrote a sweet personal note that says, “What’s in your bucket?”
What’s in my bucket? Hmmmm, well I suppose in a very loose way, I have a bucket list in my head. But I don’t have a formal bucket list; at least not yet. I think it’s high time I make one — A list of things I want to accomplish before I “kick the bucket.” I need to think big with this one, or at least medium. Yes, I need to think medium; big sounds overwhelming and it freaks me out.
Part of having an anxiety disorder is the fear of stepping out of my comfort zone. I admittedly have a ridiculous fear of failure. I don’t know why; I’ve certainly failed enough times in life… many many many times. Just ask my ex-husband ;). That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “I have not failed…I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison. Well said Sir Edison; well said.
My fear of failure is not about the act of failing, it’s the uncertainty of what will happen if I fail. Does that make sense? For example, I don’t love my job, but I’m afraid if I quit, I won’t find a better one. I worry I will end up in a worse job with less pay, or even with no job at all. I’m also afraid of putting something on the list that I will never get to accomplish. But then again, maybe I’m missing the point. Maybe the purpose of the list should be learning about what interests me, regardless if I can make it happen or not. If I can think of the list that way, I can be free to dream BIG. Nope still can’t muster up big, but maybe medium to large.
Dreaming med/large does not mean dreaming stupid, however. My bucket list is not going to be filled with things like sky diving or bungee jumping. I have no desire to do anything that has a high risk of fatality. Absolutely nothing will convince me that jumping out of an airplane is a good idea. I’ll stick to my window seat with a nice glass of white wine thank you very much. Aside from plenty of wine, my list will include things I have always wanted to do or try, but haven’t had the means or guts to do so far. Soooooooo, without further ado….. here it is.
Mr. SG41 BUCKET LIST
- Walk the cobble stone streets in Italy
- Fall in love again and get married (again)
- Buy my dream little cottage house
- Travel to a beach resort in either Mexico or Hawaii
- Dance on the beach
- Open a Cafe that specializes in baked treats
- Learn how to be a good baker
- Skate at Rockefeller Center at Christmas time
- Go to New York
- Take my mom on a vacation
- Learn how to be a great cook
- Make adult snow angels
- Re-learn how to play chess
- Write a book of some sort
- Take a sleigh ride
I’m sure I will add more to the list in time, but this is a good start. I don’t want to dismiss the things that would have gone in the bucket if I hadn’t already done them. So here is a list of already accomplished bucket items:
Ran a (multiple) marathon, learned how to play guitar, returned to university, became a personal trainer, bought my own place, fell in and out of love, got married and divorced, tried snowboarding and skiing, got a dog, went to Barbados (honeymoon in 1998), sang to an audience, wrote songs, wrote poetry, had poems published, started a blog.
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We’re happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland….
Have you asked yourself lately: “What’s in my bucket?”