The Sloshing Bucket

Image result for Filling a bucket list birthday card

I have this card sitting on my desk at work.  A co-worker gave it to me for my birthday.  She knows me too well…haha.  On the inside she wrote a sweet personal note that says, “What’s in your bucket?”

What’s in my bucket?  Hmmmm, well  I suppose in a very loose way, I have a bucket list in my head.  But I don’t have a formal bucket list; at least not yet.   I think it’s high time I make one — A list of things I want to accomplish before I “kick the bucket.”   I need to think big with this one, or at least medium.  Yes, I need to think medium; big sounds overwhelming and it freaks me out.

Part of having an anxiety disorder is the fear of stepping out of my comfort zone.  I admittedly have a ridiculous fear of failure.  I don’t know why; I’ve certainly failed enough times in life… many many many times.  Just ask my ex-husband ;).   That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “I have not failed…I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison.     Well said Sir Edison; well said.

Image result for thomas edison quotes

My fear of failure is not about the act of failing, it’s the uncertainty of what will happen if I fail.  Does that make sense?  For example, I don’t love my job, but I’m afraid if I quit, I won’t find a better one.  I worry I will end up in a worse job with less pay, or even with no job at all.  I’m also afraid of putting something on the list that I will never get to accomplish.  But then again, maybe I’m missing the point.  Maybe the purpose of the list should be learning about what interests me, regardless if I can make it happen or not. If I can think of the list that way, I can be free to dream BIG.   Nope still can’t muster up big, but maybe medium to large.

Dreaming med/large does not mean dreaming stupid, however.  My bucket list is not going to be filled with things like sky diving or bungee jumping.  I have no desire to do anything that has a high risk of fatality.  Absolutely nothing will convince me that jumping out of an airplane is a good idea.   I’ll stick to my window seat with a nice glass of white wine thank you very much.  Aside from plenty of wine, my list will include things I have always wanted to do or try, but haven’t had the means or guts to do so far.  Soooooooo, without further ado….. here it is.

Mr. SG41 BUCKET LIST

  1. Walk the cobble stone streets in Italy
  2. Fall in love again and get married (again)
  3. Buy my dream little cottage house
  4. Travel to a beach resort in either Mexico or Hawaii
  5. Dance on the beach
  6. Open a Cafe that specializes in baked treats
  7. Learn how to be a good baker
  8. Skate at Rockefeller Center at Christmas time
  9. Go to New York
  10. Take my mom on a vacation
  11. Learn how to be a great cook
  12. Make adult snow angels
  13. Re-learn how to play chess
  14. Write a book of some sort
  15. Take a sleigh ride

I’m sure I will add more to the list in time, but this is a good start.  I don’t want to dismiss the things that would have gone in the bucket if I hadn’t already done them.  So here is a list of already accomplished bucket items:

Ran a (multiple) marathon, learned how to play guitar, returned to university, became a personal trainer, bought my own place, fell in and out of love, got married and divorced, tried snowboarding and skiing, got a dog, went to Barbados (honeymoon in 1998), sang to an audience, wrote songs, wrote poetry, had poems published, started a blog.

Image result for skate in rockefeller centerImage result for Cute cafeImage result for Sleigh ride

 

 

 

 

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We’re happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland….

Have you asked yourself lately: “What’s in my bucket?”

 

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