Fellow anxiety sufferers, have I got some good news for you. I was given the answer to all of my problems last night, and I need to pass it along. Hang on to your seats guys cause this is a good one. It’s going to change your life. Are you ready?
Last night I sat across the table from a wonderfully well-meaning man. Him — talk, dark and average looking. He took my hands in his, looked me in the eyes, and said, “You should stop over analyzing everything and just relax.”
WAIT…. WHAT? I can do that? Holy F Bomb, please sir tell me how this is done, and I will do it right away.
Alright, I know he was trying to be helpful, and no, this is not the first time I’ve been given pure asinine advice. But it did stir up feelings that have stuck with me into this morning. Feelings of inadequacy and disfunction. When you look at anxiety from the outside, it seems ridiculous don’t you think? He’s right, I should stop over analyzing everything and stop worrying about things that haven’t happened. I tell myself this everything day, but I haven’t been able to figure out how.
Do you want to know what I was worrying about last night? I was worried about being out past 7pm on a work night. I was all worked up because my schedule had been thrown off, and I didn’t know how to handle it. There I was, a grown woman who couldn’t handle being on a date on a Monday night. You may wonder how this date came to be in the first place. Well, it started in the morning when I received a message from my realtor that I had a 5pm showing request for my house. SHIT. Normally I go to the gym right after work. Schedule reassessment number 1. I would have to cancel my work out, go home to pick up my dog and find something to do for an hour. Not ideal, but manageable.
Next I received a message from a guy I had been chatting with on Tinder. He said he was going to be in my area and wanted to know if I’d like to meet up. SHIT SHIT. Schedule reassessment number 2. I thought this over and decided that I could meet him during the time of my showing. I had an hour to kill anyway, so why not go crazy. I figured one beer and then home to reassess the rest of my evening. One beer turned into 2 which turned into dinner.
Side note: We were at a pub close to my house, so I was able to take my dog home after the first drink.
Anyway to get to the point, I didn’t get home until 9pm last night and it totally messed me up. I was super anxious waiting for dinner to come because it was taking so long. I should have gone home after the first beer, or not? I should be able to handle a unplanned change in my schedule. I should be able to JUST F’ing relax, but I can’t. It took me forever to get to sleep last night because I was so thrown off my schedule. Today, I’m tired and out of sorts. Was it worth it? Was meeting a guy that doesn’t even live in my area worth it? I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I just don’t know anything. I’m going to down another latte and try to get my system back on track.