Shadows of The Past

I was going through my stack of old lyrics that I wrote back in my late 20’s early 30’s.  Reading the lyrics brought me back to where I was emotionally at that time in my life… A somewhat abstract, but accurate account of the beginning of my breakdown.



Image result for Shadows of despair



Don’t rush out of bed in the morning;

Hold me as I begin to wake.

Whisper in my ear everything’s alright;

So I can find the strength to face today.


It feels like I’m waiting for the worst to come;

I close my eyes and I pray it’s not today.

I’m losing control of what’s becoming me;

Can’t you make it stop and take the pain away.



I’m trapped between the shadows that surround me;

They hold me closer every day.

They blind me from the way I feel things;

Now I no longer feel in any way.  I no longer feel in any way.


A brief insight:

My anxiety disorder was taking over my life and I had no idea what was happening to me.  I did horrible things that made me feel bad about myself, and I felt like I had no control over my life.  I wrote this song in the early morning, while standing under a scoulding hot shower.  My husband was still in bed asleep, and all I wanted was for him to wrap me in his arms and tell me he could make it better.  I knew he couldn’t



© SmartyGirl41 and The Road Less Travelled. 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to SmartyGirl41 and The Road Less Travelled with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



4 Comments Add yours

  1. That’s kind of how I feel today. Ian and I were talking this morning and he asked me what I wanted from Shy Guy; a relationship, friends with benes, etc. I said that last night was I really just wanted was a warm body in my bed. Someone who I could reach over and touch, and just know was there. Someone who could take it all away, the hurt, the anger, the confusion, and make it better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smartygirl41 says:

      It’s a lonely place

      Liked by 1 person

  2. SeekingGod2 says:

    Hey hope your weekend is turning out decent. Your posts have been melancholic lately. Must be the changing in seasons.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smartygirl41 says:

      I’m doing good. Just gotta kill some rats. They are steeling my sleep

      Liked by 1 person

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