P.A.N.I.C Spells Money

Due to a panic attack that occured last week, I was back at my doctors yesterday morning to discuss a medication back up plan.  He and I both agreed that having Lorazepam (Ativan) on hand just in case was a good idea.  I will only take this medication if I have extreme bouts of anxiety or another panic attack, which I’m hoping won’t happen.  Part of me feels I can find ways to manage my disorder without medication, and the other part of me thinks: “who am I kidding.”

Today I made the decision to contact a psychologist, and I booked an appointment for September 22, 2016.  I was referred to this psych because he specializes in cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), which I have experienced in the past.  My last psychologist touch on this, but his focus was more on journaling to track repeat behaviours.  Having the appoint booked does give me some hope that I will be able remain med free.

Of course, being me,  I have some anxiety about meeting a new psychologist.  I have extended health coverage through work, which gives me $500 per year towards a psychologist.  This is very helpful; however, the going rate for this type of practitioner is $200 – $250 per hour.  That means I can see him one to two times depending on the length of our session(s).   This is the reason I waited so long to schedule an appointment; I figured “What’s the point.”  But I guess a couple of appointments is better than zero sessions.  On the other hand, what if I like him and want to go back after I run out of coverage?  I can’t afford to pay for it myself, and I don’t know if I can trust myself to not put it on my credit card.

An issue I have because of my ADHD and anxiety is overspending.  I spend money without thought sometimes, which has accrued me some debt. I am trying very hard to control my expenses and pay down my debt, but so far this year, I have only been able to keep it from rising.  It may not seem much, but the fact that the debt is no longer going up is a major improvement.  I was making some headway, but some sudden unavoidable expenses came up.  My overall net worth is in the black because of a small RRSP, and I own my mobile home outright.   But at 41 (going on 42), my future is not looking bright.  Money is the biggest anxiety trigger in my life, so the thought of  treatment expenses is freaking me out.

Before I work myself into another panic attack, I’m going to stop here.  It’s pretty obvious that I could use some professional advice.  So my plan is to start the session with a discussion over my money concerns.  I want to get that out of the way, so he understands where I’m at.  From there, I will let him lead.  Time for me to go take a breather and bring my head back to a good place.  Oh, and I still need to decide on my Fun Event for tonight…. I wonder??????





5 Comments Add yours

  1. money does this to all of us; I too am over 40, single, and feel the anxiety over future financial health of mine. yet psychological and physical heath is also important; there is always a possibility that money may be found in the future. that being said as someone who has been budgeting in the last one year or so, I must say at first it was a challenge to keep track of my expenses, have measurable saving victories, or change the life style to limit my expenses. over time, I kept my eye on the savings (even from purchases I have not made) and saw the difference it makes in my life and anxiety levels.i think you are on the right track and are motivated to limit expenses and save more. I have read many blogs and websites/books to find out the best ways to cut my expenses – some of them were very inspirational and fit my life, my life-style, and financial aims (cut this expenses, change this service, value that more, shop at thrifty stores, cook more meals/bread at home etc.). I am sure there are many ways out there that can make a difference in your finances without limiting you, your health, or your life. Best

    Liked by 1 person

  2. SeekingGod2 says:

    Hey what happened to the awesome, amazing Canadian healthcare system? 🙂

    Hope the session goes well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smartygirl41 says:

      US always thinks that. Our health care doesn’t cover stuff like that.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The ativan can come in handy, not going to lie. I had an open prescription for it for a while until my health insurance crapped out. And, hey, you know about the money struggles in relation to trying to care for your mental health; trying to pay for medication out of pocket is literally a suicide mission.

    Hope things work well for you with that new psychologist! It sucks not having the finances to have the freedom to schedule appointments as frequently as you want, I can only see mine twice a month and that’s already cutting it close.

    Also. I think it’s normal to have anxiety about meeting a new psychologist: I mean, this person is going to be someone you’re supposed to open like a book to, tell all about the inner workings of your mind and then hope they can help you manage it all. It’s a big step. At any rate, hope you connect well with them!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smartygirl41 says:

      Yes it hard to know the help is there but out of financial reach. I’m lucky my meds are covered. Thanks for the encouraging comment. And yes, the Ativan has already helped a potentially bad night.

      Liked by 1 person

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