Due to a panic attack that occured last week, I was back at my doctors yesterday morning to discuss a medication back up plan. He and I both agreed that having Lorazepam (Ativan) on hand just in case was a good idea. I will only take this medication if I have extreme bouts of anxiety or another panic attack, which I’m hoping won’t happen. Part of me feels I can find ways to manage my disorder without medication, and the other part of me thinks: “who am I kidding.”
Today I made the decision to contact a psychologist, and I booked an appointment for September 22, 2016. I was referred to this psych because he specializes in cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), which I have experienced in the past. My last psychologist touch on this, but his focus was more on journaling to track repeat behaviours. Having the appoint booked does give me some hope that I will be able remain med free.
Of course, being me, I have some anxiety about meeting a new psychologist. I have extended health coverage through work, which gives me $500 per year towards a psychologist. This is very helpful; however, the going rate for this type of practitioner is $200 – $250 per hour. That means I can see him one to two times depending on the length of our session(s). This is the reason I waited so long to schedule an appointment; I figured “What’s the point.” But I guess a couple of appointments is better than zero sessions. On the other hand, what if I like him and want to go back after I run out of coverage? I can’t afford to pay for it myself, and I don’t know if I can trust myself to not put it on my credit card.
An issue I have because of my ADHD and anxiety is overspending. I spend money without thought sometimes, which has accrued me some debt. I am trying very hard to control my expenses and pay down my debt, but so far this year, I have only been able to keep it from rising. It may not seem much, but the fact that the debt is no longer going up is a major improvement. I was making some headway, but some sudden unavoidable expenses came up. My overall net worth is in the black because of a small RRSP, and I own my mobile home outright. But at 41 (going on 42), my future is not looking bright. Money is the biggest anxiety trigger in my life, so the thought of treatment expenses is freaking me out.
Before I work myself into another panic attack, I’m going to stop here. It’s pretty obvious that I could use some professional advice. So my plan is to start the session with a discussion over my money concerns. I want to get that out of the way, so he understands where I’m at. From there, I will let him lead. Time for me to go take a breather and bring my head back to a good place. Oh, and I still need to decide on my Fun Event for tonight…. I wonder??????