Searching for romance at 40+ years old is like searching for a needle in a needle stack. There are way more variables to consider when trying to find a later in life mate. Besides the physical attraction, there needs to be an intellectual connection and a willingness to accept someone else’s baggage. I’ve also noticed that career choices can be a factor in aged dating. Some people are still chasing their careers, which means a potential relocation. For someone like me, who is content with her location, moving would require a lot of convincing.
Now let’s mix in some mental health issues, and what do you get? Dating impossible. Younger men don’t seem to mind a little crazy, in fact, I think they like it. Older men, however, seem to view mental health as a serious character flaw.
“Ah she’s a crazy bitch,” is what their thinking. Am I crazy? I guess you’d need to define crazy for me, so that I could answer that correctly. If crazy means, do I struggle emotionally on a regular basis? Then the answer is yes. If it means, do I have to put an effort into the way I think and process information. Then the answer is yes. Does it mean I’m I afraid to be myself around others because I’m scared they will think I’m crazy? Then again, the answer is yes.
But here’s the thing, my internal struggles make me a much more empathetic, caring, loving, supportive, genuine, strong, and kind person. My crazy has forced me to work at being a better me, and it has taught me to be more tolerant of other peoples struggles. The type of crazy I am makes me a special person who deserves love just as much as the “Non-crazies”. If you ask me, anyone who thinks they don’t have some type of crazy in them, is the craziest of them all.
I know mental health carries a stigma with it, and I don’t see an end to it. Those who don’t suffer with mental health issues can’t possible understand what it is like. I can’t give someone my mind for a day, so they can learn to understand. Explaining it to people usually causes me more frustration because most non-crazies think they have the answer that will solve my problem.
These are some of my favorite words of widsom:
- Ah, you should just learn to relax.
- You don’t need to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet.
- The answer is YOGA.
- You probably just don’t drink enough water.
- Maybe you should find a job that isn’t so stressful
- When I get anxious, I like to just go for a drive to clear my head. You should try that.
I do appreciate these well meaning advice givers. It’s not their fault they have no idea what they are talking about. So I forgive you for not understanding, if you forgive me for having mental health issues.
And to all the men who pass up a girl with MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, I say “You’re missing out.” We are not the drama queens you are so afraid of… nope, those girls are standing over in the corner pretending to have all their shit together.