My mood shift started Thursday afternoon, and it stayed pretty low until this morning (Sunday). It was my first real low dip since I stopped taking my anxiety medication, and it knocked me off my feet. It was so bad that I resorted to taking my Wellbutrin for two days just to manage.
I don’t know that the meds helped but I woke up feeling much better today, and I have not taken a pill today. I don’t know the reason for the sudden drastic change of my mood, although I have a couple theories. My best guess is a hormonal spike (pms); however, I can’t be certain. Maybe I’m just so unaccustomed to “feeling” much of anything and when I was triggered, it just got way out of hand.
I’ve been documenting all the events that led up to my 3 days of anxiety hell. I believe I need to relearn how to deal with life without the safety net of my medication, so my first line of defence is spotting major triggers. Second, I’m going to see my doctor this week and ask for some Adivan. Adivan is used to treat accute anxiety, so I want some on hand for the rough patches.
I’m still dedicated to going medication free, but I found out the hard way that it’s not going to be an easy road. The lows will be hard, but It’s the price I’m willing to pay to feel the highs. I want to feel true joy again. I want to feel excited about life, something I haven’t felt in 10 years. So today, I express gratitude for weathering my first shit storm. I’m still standing.