Mind Control

Keeping my spirits up in the real world has been a bit tricker than I expected, but I’m not giving up.  I do, however, feel that today has it in for me.  A nasty co-worker, an email from my ex, and a mind game attempt from an online dating asshole have all been the source of my angst this afternoon.

I could feel my anxiety start to swell with each small blow.  By the time I realized I was getting worked up, my shoulders were rubbing up against my ears.  The blessing?  I did realize it, and it’s not going to get me.  None of the irritants of this day are worth getting worked up about, so I need to keep my eye on the prize and shake it off.

Because I have been feeling so good, I briefly forgot that I’m still susceptible to anxiety.  GAD doesn’t just go away because I don’t want it any more.  If anything, now that I’m off meds, I need to be able to see my triggers coming before they set me off.   I need to be mindful of my thoughts and redirect them when they start driving themselves haphazardly around in my head.  RED LIGHT – STOP!  Ya, you heard me you pesty fearing invoking internal dialogue.  GET out of my head; I have more important things to think about.  I acknowledge your presence, but now I’m asking you to leave.  Thank you.

I still have so much to relearn about living med free.  The world hasn’t changed, and I will likely have to work hard to manage my fears and worries without my shield of drugs.  I can do it though, and I will.  If I change the way I think, I can change the way I feel.