Something terrible has happened to me. I don’t know when, how or why, but the unthinkable, most unimaginable, tragedy has transpired. I don’t even know if I should write this out loud, but here goes: I’ve lost my ability to flirt. There I said it; it’s out in the open… I can breathe a sign of defeat.
All I can think right now is, WHY ME? Me, the girl who could turn on the charm at the drop of a dime, has lost her mojo. I blame it on age. I watch other girls successfully flirt their way into some really great guys affection, but I just don’t have it anymore. The batting of the eyelashes and coy smiles — seriously, I just can’t. I know; guys like that kind of thing, but I don’t have it in me. Besides, it’s not that cute coming from a 40 something white girl.
I have no problem letting a guy know I think he’s sexy; I be like “how you doing sexy thing?” Of course, I only do that with guys I know, who are already taken and know I’m only playing. Out in the real world with real single men, I’m a lost cause. I am doomed to a life of singleness because I can’t bring myself to turn it on. Even if I wanted to, I doubt I could pull it off without looking like a fish out of water. I’d probably get an eyelash in my eye, trip over my own feet and break a tooth. It’s dangerous out here in the dating world.
If I break it right down, I think my biggest issue is I find dating too much work. It’s exhausting, and I’m not sure the effort is worth the reward. All I want is a tall, dark, handsome man, to walk up to me and say, “Let’s skip the crap and get it on.” Of course, I want dinner first. A girls gotta eat.