I need to get this important message out to the world as soon as possible. So readers, if you know anyone like I’m about to explain, please help me spread the word and stop the madness.
To all people who leave voicemails:
Thank you for taking time to slowly explain the reason for your call. I appreciate the time and effort you put into leaving such a detailed message. Because you have explained the urgency of the matter, and I now know that you require immediate response, I am happy to contact you back asap. There’s only one problem. You left your return phone number in turbo speed. I think that light travels slower than your voice did at the end of the message. You were so careful to leave the details of the message in a slow, methodical, manner — what happened at the end? Did you suddenly get an urge to pee? Was your phone battery dying? Did your morning espresso kick in? I hope you’re ok, because I could hear the urgency in your voice has me a little worried.
Unfortunately, I can not return your call because I can’t hear as fast as you talk. All I heard was “my number is 1-800-twoofslithnin7foot.” I’ve replayed your message five times, and I’m so sorry, but I have no idea what you were trying to say. I really hope you try me again, and if you do, I would be a big help if you could SLOW down for the only part of the message I actually care about.
Thank you so much for your attention to the matter. If you feel you are unable to accommodate my request, might I suggest email.
Just a little Wednesday morning work post for all you BIZ peeps out there.