A Discontinued Mess

light, creative, abstract

Arggggg…. my head is complete mush today.  I`m spaced out, have brain zaps, can`t concentrate, feel restless and agitated, and (overshare) I can`t go to the bathroom.  Sounds wonderous doesn`t it!  This is my bodies reaction to tapering off anxiety meds, and today`s symptoms aren’t even that bad.

I`ve been on medication for Generalized Anxiety Disorder for over 10 years now.  I stopped taking them once before around 8 years ago — It was complete hell.  Back then, my doctor told me I could just stop taking my meds whenever I felt ready.  So. I did.  What followed was 3 months of vertigo, brain zapping, increased anxiety, depression, spaced out feelings, migraines, and fatigue.  By the time the discontinuation symptoms dissipated, I had put myself right back into some stressful life events and ended up going straight back on meds.  What a waste of time that was.

8 years later and I`m ready to try this again; only this time I`m prepared.  A couple of months ago, I went to my doctor looking for an alternative to the medication I`ve been on since 2008. Due to the lack of libido my meds gave me, I was feeling older than my 41 years.  I didn`t care that much about sex back when I was with my ex.  As a matter of fact, I was glad I didn`t want to have sex with him… (Squirrel) I’ve digressed… anyway, so I go to the doctor and he understands my dilemma and prescribes me some new meds to try.  For almost 2 months, I tried to adjust to them, but it didn`t work.  Mostly I felt high strung and my concentration was in the toilet.

Last Monday I tossed in the towel and stopped taking the new meds altogether.  During the trial of the new drugs, I was tapering off my old medication.  Tapering is supposed to eliminate or greatly reduce discontinuation syndrome.  I was down to half my dose by the time I decided to call it quits on the new stuff.  Being that I`d still like to get my sex drive back, I`m ready to try coming off meds completely, so I`ve now dropped to 1/4 dose.

 Results:     I feel like shit.

I can do this, I can do this… I can do this — maybe, I can do this.  Maybe now isn’t the time to quit chewing my nicorette?  NO I don’t smoke and haven’t in 12 years, but I’ve been chewing the gum on and off ever since I quit.  Smartygirl here thought “hey, let’s quit the gum at the same time as coming off meds”

light, glass, lamp

Do you think it’s possible to peel your own face off??? I need out of my skin… I need gum… I need wine — damn it… I can do this — no, I can’t… yes, maybe, I can.

 

 

 

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