When I Let Myself Dream

If I let myself dream, I see myself in a whole new life.  I picture myself living in a cute little house with the love of my life at my side.  We’d cook together and drink wine under the stars, while listening to some reggae song about being happy.  Our house would be situated right downtown, so we could walk to cafes, pubs, and markets.  The front room would have  a wood-buring fireplace with floor to ceiling bookshelves on either side of it.  Right out the back door would be a little stone path leading to a small gazebo surrounded by rose bushes and lillies.

I  believe that you can set goals for yourself and achieve almost anything you want in life.  However, I don’t think you can set a goal for falling in love.  At least not falling in true love.  Sure,  you can go online, pick a man, and fall in comfort easy enough, but that’s not part of my dream.  I had the comfortable life before; unfortunately, it didn’t work for me — I wish it did.  Life would be so much easier if I could settle for the average.  If I  didn’t need excitement and passion to make me feel alive, I could be content in a lackluster relationship.

I’m not looking for “movie” love.  Honestly, I find Hollywood love stories to be overly cheezy. I’m not unrealistic in my dreams; at least I don’t think I am.  True love to me is finding  a best friend that you are attracted to.   I don’t want the “cool guy” or “bad boy” — I want a real man.  A man not afraid to be himself.  This type of man does not live in the online dating world, at least I’ve yet to find him there.

Dreaming can be painful when I don’t know if that dream will ever come to be.   If I let myself dream, I see only what is missing.  But when I do let myself dream, I dream of love.

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