A Pair of Boardshorts Tripped Me Up

Who has a “skinny” girl (or guy) outfit hiding somewhere deep in their closest?  You know the one I’m talking about.  Maybe it’s a cute pair of jeans that only fits when you’re at your ideal body weight.  You might pull it out from time to time and tempt fate by seeing if you can squeeze into it.  If the answer is no — good for you; you are wiser than this girl.

My little jem is a pair of white Firefly boardshorts I wore to one of my fitness photoshoots 5 years ago.  I’ve never really been a skinny girl, but I’ve had moments of pretty fit.  I’m a clean eater, and I work out relentlessly; however, my weight generally sits at about 10lbs more than I’d like.  Genetics and anxiety medication play a small part in my body composition.  For me to achieve my leaner body, I need to count calories, reframe from drinking, and workout twice a day.  Unfortunately, I’m just not disciplined enough to sustain such a strict lifestyle.

I make an effort to try and accept my 10lb surplus of body fat, but it’s not always easy, especially knowing what if feels like at a smaller size.  There are days when I feel extra chubby, and days when I feel kinda small.  Yesterday was a good day; I even felt like I might have lost a little weight.  I was feeling so good about myself, I thought why not try on my skinny shorts and see how they look.  WT* was I thinking.  Things went from bad to worse when  I picked up a hand mirror, turned around and… wait for it….. checked out my butt.  I know what you’re thinking, but I couldn’t help myself.  All I can say is “TRAINWRECK.”  In a matter of 30 seconds I went from “I feel great and thin” to “OMG I’m so Fat!”  It took me four months of torchure to fit into those muffin top making thigh huggers.  Did I honestly believe they’d miraculously slide right on?

The smart thing to do after such a stunt would be to toss the shorts in the trash.  They have only fit me for maybe 6 months of my life, so why the heck do I keep them.  Did I toss them?  NOPE!  I put them right in the middle of my dresser as some kind of sadistic punishment.  I’m not a dumb girl, but boy do I ever do some dumb things.  I think this evening after the gym, I need to do a little self-loving by torching the shorts and burying the ashes.





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