Welcome To My Crazy

The follow-up visit to my doctor yesterday resulted in a change to my anxiety medication.  Walking out of his office with prescription in hand, I felt excited about some possible change.  My current meds work just fine for treating my anxiety; however, my non-existent libido is ready to move on.  My excitement soon turned to anxiety this morning sortly after taking the new drug.  I’d forgotten what it was like to introduce something new into my system.

It was eight years ago that I was put on my previous meds.  After several failed attempts with other anti-depressants, I was happy with my stabilized moods.  I’m concerned now that I will be trading my “normal-self” in for my “crazy-self” all for the sake of sex.  I have no idea how these meds are going to affect me, but I do know that the first symptoms were pretty nerve-wracking.  Within the first hour of taking them, I experienced rapid heart-rate, disorientation, confusion, and then just plain spaciness.  Most of the symptoms have calmed down throughout the day, so I’m hoping for the best.

I’ve had some pretty bad reactions to certain drugs in the past: increased anxiety, agitation, aggression, depression, just to name a few.  I’m praying for a good reaction to my new drug; however, I’m nervous.  I have that “What have I done” feeling, and I can’t shake it.  I know this is only day one, so I’m trying hard to relax and wait and see.  I’m heading into a three-day long weekend, which gives me some sense of relief.  Being at work while my body adjusts to the new medication feels torturous.  It’s pretty hard to focus on anything for more than 30 seconds right now — fish brain.  I’m not even sure if what I’m writing makes any sense.  Usually there are thousands of thoughts running through my brain at one time, but right now there seems to be nothing.  Nothing that I can hold onto anyway.  A thought will come to me, and then it’s gone before I can compute it — super frustrating.

Maybe a good long work-out will shake my brain back into working order.  ______________________________________________________right there, I spent 5 minutes staring at my screen with absolutely nothing going on in my head…………and there I go again.

I’m going to cross my fingers and hope for the best.  At least I get to spend the next three days doing whatever I want.






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