Why is it when part of your life gets hectic, the other parts follow suit? My job is like a roller coaster ride: I can go weeks with nothing too exciting happen, and then next thing you know I’m up to my A*S in work place incidents, layoffs, terminations, hiring projects, policy implementations etc. One minute, I’m bored out of my mind and the next, I’m a superhuman multi-tasker. What I just realized is that anytime my work life gets crazy, so does my personal time.
That being said, I think I probably bring it on myself. When I’m busy at work, I tend to go overboard with my work outs. I find they destress me, so instead of my usual hour at the gym after work, I’m putting in two hours of extreme cardio a day. Long distance cardio improves my moods and alleviates a lot of my anxiety — I have generalized anxiety disorder. I feel “up” with all the adreneline running through my body, but there is a bit of a downfall. The longer hours at work combined with the time I’m putting in at the gym, leave me with less time (and energy) for other of life’s priorities. Since, I’m a self-admitted over-achiever, I can’t let things go. Mainly because I think everything is priority.
My beautifully anxious brain continuously runs through checklists of tasks. I wake up in the morning and immediately start organizing what needs to get done. ENDLESS lists of things I have to do. The busier I get, the more I notice what still needs to get done… and then — I forget to breathe. I can go a whole day without breathing (really breathing that is). Of course I’m breathing enough to live, but just barely. I don’t know how or why I do it, but I notice I hold my breath all the time. I’ve had to tell myself five times while writing this post “to breathe” Is everyone like this, or is this just part of my anxiety? I wonder sometimes what is normal, and what is part of my anxiety. I guess it doesn’t really matter what’s normal or not, just how I end up dealing with it.
It’s only Tuesday and already my work week has been highly stressful. I’ve turned my internal switch to high-speed and my brain is on overload. I haven’t had time to write a post in a week, so today I’m taking 10 minutes during my day to have a coffee, write, and remember to breathe. I need to slow everything down before I get to the point of “burn-out”, which I have a habit of doing. I go, go, go, and then I crash. Not this time, nope. This time, I am being mindful of where I’m at. This is all part of my attempt at neuroplasticity, which I mentioned in an earlier post. I’m rewiring my brain, teaching it new tricks if you will. I am visualizing, breathing, relaxing… there we go little anxious brain — Calm.