Everything is a blur today. I woke up feeling ok; went for my run; showered and came to work. Since 7:30am until right now (11:00am), everything feels wrong. I feel wrong; the world feels wrong, and it’s all because I QUIT nicorette at 7:00pm last night. I quit out of the blue, with no plan in place, and today I’m practically crawling out of my skin.
I began chewing nicorette gum after my second attempt to quit smoking, which was about 12 years ago. It worked; I quit smoking. Unfortunately, I have been on and off the nicorette gum ever since — mostly, on. I quit for 10 months last year only to develop an extremely obsessive regular gum addiction. I was chewing about 3 packs of regular gum a day which was killing my gums and teeth, so I went back to nicorette.
Last night I picked up a small package of nicorette on my way home, but I have yet to open it. Everytime I thought of having a piece last night I stopped myself and said “do you really need a piece of gum?” I would take a deep breath, and I didn’t have one piece last night. Nothing so far today; however, it is killing me. I have wanted to beat this addiction for a long time, but it has a powerful hold on me. It soothes my anxiety, or at least it seems to. I want to quit, but I also don’t. I’m tired of wasting thousands of dollars a year on this crazy addiction. I worry for my teeth and my general health as well. I’m scared though. I feel valunerable and naked. Regardless I will not let it win today – today I am done.
I’m not allowing myself to chew regular gum in it’s place because I have no desire to pick up that habit again. But right now I feel really terrible. There is a buzzing sound in my ears, and I’m totally spaced out. Strangely my teeth hurt; I think I must be grinding them. That is probably why my jaw and gums also ache. I have the worse headache ever, and all I want is a piece of damn gum. Every few minutes, without thought, I reach for my purse to grab a piece of gum. The only thing I can do is keep breathing. Deep slow breaths. All I need to do is make it through today, and maybe tomorrow will be better.
I CAN DO THIS – I CAN DO THIS – I CAN DO THIS – I CAN DO THIS
Take a deep breathe – breathe – relax – breathe
The withdrawal maybe excruciating, but I will keep my thoughts positive. I will visualize myself calm and addiction free. I will think about the money saved, and picture my savings account getting bigger. I will remember why I want to quit, and I will remember that I am strong – stronger than the addiction.
I can do this – I know I can.