A Sunrise of Clarity

Sometimes I feel like I am living in a fog.  I question whether or not I am only going through the motions of my day without actually living.  These thoughts run through my mind on a prIMG_5229etty regular basis, and it’s only mornings like todays when I have some clarity.

It was 6:30 a.m., and the air was chilly as I walked to my car after teaching my morning spin class.  As I walked, I realized that I was making mental note of all the things I needed to do before getting to work.

“Get home, feed the dog, don’t forget to take out the garbage, pack my lunch, pack my gym bag…”

I could feel my neck and shoulders stiffen the more I tried to organize my morning.  Without thinking, I looked up, and I saw the sun begin to rise.  It was beautifully clear; an orange and yellow hew lighting up a big blue sky. It was completely silent, and everything was still. I stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk and took a breath in.  I felt the cold on my bare skin, and the hairs on my arms raise.  I listened to the quiet and thought of nothing at all. I felt a peace and tranquility wash over me.  I realized as I stood silently, I was living – really living.

Moments like this happen to me at random, I don’t plan it, I don’t think about it, it just happens.  It’s like my unconscious self takes control and say’s, “Stop.”  Stop thinking about what you need to do or what you should have done.  None of that matters at this very moment; all that matters is what is happening right now.  Take this moment to enjoy just being.

I stood in that spot for no more than 2 minutes, but that was all I needed to start my day with a different mindset.  As I drove home to get ready for my day, I paid attention to my surroundings.  I smiled when the sunlight reflexed off my mirror and warmed my face.  The heater in my car was warming my chilled body, and I felt relaxed and safe.

As my day went on, I became obsorbed in my work, and I forgot about my morning of clarity.  It wasn’t until I was thinking about today’s blog post topic that it returned.  Before I typed my first word, I closed my eyes and returned to the peace I found this morning.  I could smell the freshness of the day; I could feel the emotion return.  While I write this afternoon, I am getting another chance to “live” in my life, and I want to document my thoughts as a reminder to take more moments like this.

I too often forget that living happens in the “right now”.  I cannot live in the past any more than I can live in the future.  I do not need to be doing something of great significants in order to feel alive – all I need to do is, stop, breathe, and be.

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